Not Covered in the Manual
by MtnGhostCat
Summary: You know that C-Sec can't always have been about serious or dire situations. Come watch what happens as Garrus and Chellick try to deal with One of Those Days. Garrus knew humans were different. He just didn't know how different that was, nor how totally annoying and thoroughly weird they could get.
1. Chapter 1

_It's me again. I really am a glutton for punishment. I've read a number of fanfics with dire and serious goings on, on the Citadel when Garrus was in C-Sec. However you know there have to have been days that were just too weird to be believed. Nothing majorly serious but seriously insane. This story came about while talking to Kirstie Earlene, so come view my take on - **One of Those Days**. Also I still owe Combat Engineer a fluff piece. Enjoy. This is set after - Just Another Saturday Night and before A Matter of Perspective and Each in Their Own Way. Different Path is AU. (If I've made a mistake, please let me know.)_

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Not Covered in the Manual

Word had spread across the lower wards, like a creeping ground mist. Whispered from person to person and texted – all to say one thing - stay the hell away from Flux this evening. It had been taken over. By, of all things, C-Sec. Most of one station's Day shift was ensconced in the bar, trying to forget.

Even the usual ' _up for any kind of brawl_ ' Krogans had decided to give the bar a pass - for that evening. A squad of C-Sec was a challenge – a whole station was suicide. Particularly a bar almost full of Turians in various stages of drunkenness. A totally drunk Turian was a push over – mostly – a barely drunk and stressed out Turian was a fight that just hadn't happened yet.

C-Sec Officer, Garrus Vakarian was perched on a stool at the darker end of the bar. He wasn't really drunk, but then again he most certainly wasn't totally sober. The last few days had been the most frustrating, annoying, insanity he'd yet to deal with in his two years on the Citadel; and, Spirits, it wasn't over yet.

"Hey Vakarian." Came a familiar husky voice and an older Turian slid onto the stool next to him.

"Teskal." Garrus happily greeted his friend. "I didn't know you'd gotten back."

"Just a couple of hours ago." His friend spun his stool to take in the bar. "What in Spirit's name happened? I've never seen this much of Day Shift in here drinking." He peered closely at the mass of people.

"Even Palin's aide and his secretary are in here and I know those two don't really drink."

"It's a looong story." Garrus tapped on the bar with a talon and held up two fingers as the Turian bar tender looked to him. With a nod the man poured two shots and delivered them to the end of the bar.

Teskal picked up the glass and after a mandible click to Garrus, downed the contents. He choked and sputtered almost spitting it all out.

"Why in Spirit's name are you drinking that armor polish?" He coughed trying desperately to clear his throat.

"Cheapest way to get drunk." Came the answer.

"Cheapest way to melt your fringe and rot your brain, maybe." Teskal shot back. He grabbed Garrus's shot out of his hand and tapped on the bar with his talon. The bar tender looked up and cocked his head in question.

Teskal made a motion with all three talons and the man nodded. He poured two more shots but from an entirely different bottle. He brought them over and took away Garrus's untouched shot.

"You could have at least let me drink it." Garrus complained.

"I'm doing your brain and your gizzard a favor." Teskal retorted. "Tomorrow's hangover will be lethal if you keep drinking that plate scrub."

Garrus cautiously took a sip to find that Teskal had ordered up a mid range Turian whiskey. It was smooth and didn't leave him trying to cough up his gizzard, though he suspected it was stronger than he thought.

He held up his glass in salute to Teskal.

"Okay, now that your brain isn't in danger of liquefying – you can tell me what brought all this on." Teskal indicated the bar and all its customers.

Garrus sighed and took another sip of the whiskey. To his mind he wasn't quite drunk enough yet; but he'd probably get there before the end of his tale.

 **Garrus**

"It all started three days ago."

"Three days!" Teskal exclaimed. "Did slavers attack the Presidium?"

Garrus took another measured sip. "One could almost wish. At least you can shoot slavers."

Teskal looked thoroughly startled as the younger man started talking.

"Chellick and I were out to lunch with Palin's secretary."

"He is not still pursuing her, is he?" Teskal was incredulous.

Garrus gave a mandible click of agreement.

The older man scoffed. "She's so tier obsessed that she wouldn't even use him for stress relief."

"Seems the only one who hasn't figured that out is Chellick."

Chellick was a friend; but he seemed to have set his sights on something way out of his reach.

Then again, Garrus thought sourly to himself, there was a chance. There was always a chance according to the humans; and Chellick had more of a chance to date the secretary than he, Garrus Vakarian, had of ever becoming a Spectre.

Unknowingly he'd let his bitterness seep into his sub harmonics. Teskal replied with a comforting hum. He was well aware of Garrus's disputes with his father on the subject. Had taken the younger man's side in the argument. In the end though, it had more been because of his mother's barely suppressed wishes that Garrus acceded to the older man's edicts.

His mother had been an infiltrator – a good one, so he hadn't understood her dismay at his wanting to be a Spectre. A little annoying voice, that he was hearing more of, at the back of his mind piped up – maybe BECAUSE she'd seen the really ugly side of fighting and combat, she hadn't wanted it for either of her children

"So you were out at lunch?" Teskal got him back on track.

"Yeah, Chondos, that place near C-Sec."

Teskal gave a click of acknowledgement. Chondos catered to both levo and dextro and C-Sec made up the bulk of their clientele.

 **Three Days Ago**

Garrus ignored Chellick's attempts to convince/coax Sintai to go out with him. He was tired from a late night stakeout, and hungry. E-rat bars did not, in his mind, constitute a good meal. Full – yes, good – no.

Sintai was doing her usual not really paying attention to Chellick; but not completely ignoring him. She was a master of it and Chellick seemed not to notice. Either that or he was far more enamored of Sintai then Garrus thought.

At least, she was ignoring Garrus at the moment. There for a while it seemed as if she was interested in him. Most likely because of his father's status in C-Sec. Even if he'd needed stress relief, which he more often did these days, he wouldn't have gone near her. You didn't go behind a friend's back like that.

He was concentrating on his meal when he started to pick up shocked and dismayed sub harmonics from some of the other Turians in the restaurant. He even heard a couple of gasps from a pair of Salarians on the patio.

He was curious but much more focused on eating until Sintai let out a squawk. Infants squawked, children squawked, adolescents in their last growth spurt occasionally squawked; adult females did not squawk.

He glance up to find her staring outside to the concourse, her mouth near open in shock. He rotated so he could follow her line of sight and it was his turn for his mouth to gape.

"What in Spirit's name is that human wearing?" Sintai was dumbfounded. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Chellick also staring.

"Ah…" Garrus rubbed the back of his neck, nervously. "That would be nothing."

There were only a couple of humans on day shift at this station; but he'd caught a glimpse of them once or twice in the showers. They, however, bore no resemblance to this human or he to them. This human was oddly shaped. The muscle mass that Garrus was used to seeing around a human's shoulders appeared to have gotten bigger then fallen around his belly and it was all jiggly and droopy, not muscular. He had next to no fur or hair or whatever they called it on his head; but lots elsewhere, including his back.

"What is that dangling out of that fur between his legs?" Sintai went on.

Garrus wished with all his might that she hadn't asked that particular question.

"Ah…er…" Garrus was trying to figure out how to explain when Chellick spoke up.

"That's his manhood!"

"HIS WHAT?" Sintai damn near squawked again.

By now the rather odd and very naked human had attracted the attention of everyone in Chondos.

Garrus could see the two Asari that owned Chondos glaring at the various C-Sec officers as if to say – _Well, you're C-Sec do something._

Unfortunately he and Chellick were the junior officers here, which meant that they were going to have to deal with this human.

That thought was reinforced when one of his superiors turned to stare at them. Garrus knew an order when he saw it.

"Come on, Chellick, looks like it's up to us." With a sigh, he got to his feet.

"We're on…" His friend began to protest until he glanced around and saw their superior, and then it was his turn to sigh. "Right behind you, Vakarian."

Excusing themselves they went outside. The naked human had stopped and was admiring the view; unaware or uncaring that he was presenting an unobstructed view of his somewhat large and very flabby and hairy backside to the restaurant. Or that there was a lot of murmuring and nervous laughter going on around him.

Hearing them approach the man turned around. Spirits, he even had fur on his face. Garrus idly wondered how he ate with it without eating it.

"Yes officers?" At least he sounded friendly and surprisingly sober.

"Sir, what are you doing here?" Garrus tried to sound as pleasant as he could. Unfortunately, he'd learned by now that Turians didn't come off to humans as friendly sounding on their first meeting.

"Taking in the sights of this magnificent edifice." The man proclaimed jovially. Apparently completely unaware of all the other Citadel inhabitants who were avoiding coming anywhere near him.

"You seemed to have forgotten something." Chellick spoke up, trying to keep his gaze fixed on the man's face.

"Forgotten? I have my ID and credit chit right here." The man held up the small pouch that hung around his neck.

"No sir. You seem to have forgotten your clothes." Garrus went on.

"No I haven't. I'm a naturist." He said proudly. "I'm here for the ANIU convention."

"ANIU?" Garrus and Chellick looked at each other. They hadn't heard anything about an ANIU convention at any briefings they'd attended. Any convention that wasn't something C-Sec was used to was always discussed in a briefing.

"As Nature Intended Us." He scowled. "None of that unnatural genetic modification they try to foist off on us these days. Who knows what they're doing to us."

"This isn't the convention level sir." Garrus went on..

"So?" Now the man's voice began to take on a hint of belligerence.

"Convention rules and behavior are only acceptable on the convention level, in the convention venue." Garrus explained patiently.

"You trying to tell me I can't practice my beliefs?"

"You can sir, but only at the convention."

"We were told that we could go anywhere on the Citadel, save the Presidium." He shot back.

Both Garrus and Chellick shuddered inwardly at the thought of a naked human up on the Presidium. Palin would never hear the end of it from the Councilors and they would never hear the end of it from Palin.

"Whoever told you that didn't explain everything correctly, sir." Garrus told him. "You can go anywhere as long as you're are clothed. Unclothed is only allowed at the convention venue."

"I don't believe you. You're just trying to interfere with my rights because I'm human."

"No sir, it's because you're naked." Garrus said patiently.

The man crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at them. "It's because I'm human." He repeated.

"We're security sir and it's our job to maintain order on the Citadel for all the species, humans included." Chellick tried to explain. The human just got more belligerent looking.

"Cops are all armed thugs no matter the species. I was warned about anti-human aliens like you, particularly in C-Sec."

Garrus realized right then that the human was not going to cooperate with them. He spared a moment to feel sorry for the human police that had had to contend with this one, because he was sure they had at one time or another.

"I'm afraid that you'll have to come with us, sir." Garrus didn't try to touch him. He wasn't sure how the man would react and with him wearing no clothes, Garrus was far more likely to injure him unwittingly. At least Hanar had relatively tough skins; they also usually cooperated with C-Sec.

"Armor plated bullies." The man spat at them; but at least he didn't try to run. Then Garrus realized that they'd have to walk him back to C-Sec.

"Chellick, go see if Chondos has an old spare tablecloth?"

"Why?" Chellick asked then his eyes happened to drop from the man's face and his mandibles slapped tight to his face. With a sub harmonic of understanding and dismay he headed into the restaurant.

"What is your name, sir? And how long did you plan to be on the Citadel." Garrus politely asked. He could, he knew, come across as tough and no nonsense; but Palin had suggested ( _well, ordered really_ ) that they try to be more understanding of humans. He'd liked to have seen Palin try to deal with this human. He also heard, in the back of his mind, his father telling him that C-Sec had to be understanding of different species. Again, he'd of liked to have seen his father deal with this.

"And if I don't tell you?" Now the human was being obstructive just to be obstructive. He was also, Garrus nose twitched slightly, beginning to give off a scent. It wasn't bad or anything, just undiluted human. It had taken Garrus a couple of months to adjust to the plethora of scents on the Citadel – now he hardly noticed it except in a situation like this.

The human, a bit alarmingly, was also beginning to turn red. Blushing – no Garrus didn't think he was embarrassed. Given the splotchy look of the coloring, he was sure it was anger. Deep sigh, as if a naked human wasn't bad enough. Now he had an angry, naked human.

There were also drops of water appearing on his body. Oh yes, sweat they called it. What an odd thing; but it was apparently how the squishy humans regulated their body temps.

"We'll find out when we do a DNA scan, sir." Garrus informed him politely. "It just looks better if you cooperate with us."

Perhaps because Garrus was being so calm about everything, the man seemed to get a bit less combative.

"Timothy Spaller, Officer." He replied.

"Thank you, Mr. Spaller." Garrus sighed inside. "Is there someone who can bring you some clothing, Mr. Spaller?" He didn't think they'd be holding Spaller very long; though he didn't know what the regulations on the Citadel were for being naked. Every race had a different definition of naked. And since humans were so new to the Citadel; Spirits knew if there were any regulations at all about clothes or the lack of them.

"My wife." Spaller answered.

"Could you have her come to C-Sec with them. I don't believe we have anything that you can wear." His father would have been surprised, he didn't know how pleased, that he was being so patient with the man.

Some sense that he'd begun to develop, told Garrus that the man wasn't a threat, just merely an annoyance; and Garrus couldn't see how coming across as a 'big bad Turian' would accomplish anything except to make Spaller more belligerent.

"All right." Spaller told him grudgingly. Obviously Garrus being calm and patient was achieving only so much.

Spaller got on his omni-tool and contacted his wife just as Chellick came back out of the restaurant carrying a tablecloth. One that from the looks and smell of it had been used as a cleaning rag.

"You can't expect me to wear that?" Spaller exclaimed as he finished his call.

"Yes sir." Garrus gingerly took the tablecloth from his partner with the tips of two talons and held it out to the human. Spaller crossed his arms over his chest and refused to take it.

"Sir, it's only until we get into the C-Sec building." Garrus pointed to the imposing building that housed C-Sec.

"Bull shit, you're just trying to make me, a human, look stupid." Spaller shot back.

Privately, Garrus thought that Spaller was doing a thorough job of that all on his own; but he knew better than to say so.

"No Mr. Spaller, I, we are trying to keep you from looking stupid." Garrus explained; but Spaller was having none of it.

Garrus eyed the now very red and angry human and the tablecloth and tried to figure out the logistics.

"Chellick, you're going to have to hold it closed." At Chellick's horrified look, he added hastily. "In the back."

"Why me?" Chellick's sub harmonics were thick with relief.

"I outrank you."

"By two days Vakarian, two days." Chellick shot back.

"I still outrank you."

"Bastard." Came the grumble as the two men carefully draped the tablecloth around the very unhappy human. All three of them were trying not to breath too deeply.

"I'm going to complain to my Ambassador about this indignity." Spaller spat out as they got him moving. Tablecloth wrapped around him and Chellick holding it together in the back.

"That is your right, sir." Garrus told him. Inwardly he wanted to have a recording of that conversation. Udina was intolerant at the best of times. Having some human who'd been strolling around the concourse, naked, complain would probably give him fits, as the humans would say. Said human would be the recipient of one of Udina's more vitriolic lectures.

Their walk across the concourse to C-Sec actually went fairly uneventfully, though Garrus picked up the deep raucous laughter of a pair of Krogans that had spotted them. He knew Chellick could hear them; but he didn't think Mr. Spaller was aware of them so he kept quiet.

They got into the C-Sec building and made their way down to booking. Everybody was giving them a wide berth because of the tablecloth. Sharing an elevator with it and Spaller was no fun.

Finally they got down to booking where they ran into, of all people, Executor Palin and, because his life wasn't hard enough, his father, Castis.

As they were standing in front of the Asari processing officer, Sergeant Ionos, who was grimacing at the smell.

"Vakarian, Chellick, what is the meaning of this?" Palin demanded.

"Mr. Spaller, is attending a convention and he wasn't given the right information about seeing the concourse." Garrus told them, as he leaned over to give Ionos what information he'd gathered.

"Why, in Spirit's name have you put that filthy rag on him?" Castis exclaimed, censure in his sub harmonics.

Before Garrus or Chellick could explain, Palin stepped forward and pulled the tablecloth free. Revealing Mr. Spaller in all his – well – in all of himself.

Ionos gasped; and then started coughing suspiciously; and Palin and his father were both completely shocked.

"Because he didn't have any clothes on." Garrus finished lamely.


	2. Chapter 2 - Never Assume

_Good Monday Good Folk. I think I've gotten off track on which story I should be updating next - so sorry. Trying to work on all of them but they do demand different mind sets. Different Paths is serious while Manual is anything but. I've indicated the present time sections with italics, but I'm not sure how successful I've been. Thank you, as always, to those who've favored, are following, or have commented. You make everything worth while. Have a great week. Cheers._

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Never Assume

 **Garrus**

 _Garrus was forced to interrupt his tale when Teskal collapsed onto the bar in hysterics._

 _"Spirits, Perfect Procedure Palin actually did that; and in front of your father?" Then he became incoherent with laughter again._

Garrus had to admit that it had been pretty funny, though, at the time, he hadn't dared to even look at Palin – not and keep control of himself. Chellick, from what he could see out of the corner of his eye, was furiously studying a holographic wanted poster on the wall; and he looked like he was holding his breath. Sergeant Ionos was coughing very violently now, her biotics flaring periodically. Mister Spaller seemed to be both relieved, no doubt to get rid of that reeking tablecloth, and indignant at the way he'd been 'uncovered'

After a very long pause. "I…see."

Garrus had to admire the almost iron control Palin had over his sub harmonics. His father was slightly less controlled and Garrus picked up faint traces of dismay, surprise, and just a hint of amusement.

"Proceed Officers. Vakarian." With that, Palin stalked into a nearby elevator, Castis following. After the doors had closed and the indicator signaled that it had gone up one floor. Ionos exploded into laughter, Chellick started breathing again, and after a moment, Garrus began chuckling.

"He wasn't very nice." Spaller whined.

"He's the Executor." Garrus explained. "I'm not sure that he knows what nice means."

That just made Ionos laugh harder. Chellick looked like he was torn between laughing and being horrified at his remark.

"Vakarian!" Chellick tried to admonish him and just got a cool stare in return. The two men hadn't gotten into a dominance stare down, because Chellick had simply accepted Garrus as an alpha.

It didn't mean that Chellick wasn't one himself; it was just that he acknowledged Garrus's higher status.

Near breathless, Ionos had finally gotten herself under control…

 _"Please tell me that someone…anyone...got a recording of that?" Teskal had also stopped laughing and interrupted Garrus again._

 _"Er..Chellick and I didn't."_

 _"I'll check with Ionos. If not there's always the Security System recording."_

 _"Teskal, you can't hack…" Garrus began, then fell silent as he clearly remembered some of the older man's exploits. Teskal no doubt could, would, and might even have all ready done so on other occasions._

 _"Want a copy?" Teskal smirked at him._

 _Spirits knew how badly Garrus wanted a copy, if for nothing else – the look of shock on his father's face. However, actually asking for a copy somehow did not seem like something a dutiful Turian son should do._

 _As if divining his thoughts, Teskal went on._

 _"So, what happened next?_ "

Garrus recovered himself and fell back into his narrative. "We got Spaller booked in."

Ionos finished logging Mr. Spaller into the system. This intake area was one of the less used, that's why he'd picked it. Fewer people to be..startled…by Spaller's…appearance.

"All right, there's room in the main holding cell." She said without looking up from her console.

"Is that the safest place for him?" Chellick spoke up hesitantly, and as one they all looked at the very lumpy, small, flabby, non-combatant Spaller.

"No." Garrus sighed after a moment. He wouldn't have considered the human safe even with a group of juvenile pyjaks.

Ionos looked a touch embarrassed. "And there's a group of Batarian mercs in there sobering up."

"Then it really wouldn't be safe." Garrus said. Batarians really despised humans and Spaller would be too easy and tempting of a target.

"Is there a solitary room clear?"

"Yes. K-10 is open and.." She checked something. "And was just cleaned."

"What am I being punished for?" Spaller interjected, obviously reacting to the thought of a solitary room.

Garrus paused for a moment trying to figure out what to say.

"Nothing sir. Humans are still too rare on the Citadel for us to put you in the main cell." He explained very patiently then went on. "You'll be safer by yourself."

By now he'd gotten a bit of a read on the human and when Spaller went all red and blotchy, he knew the man was upset about something.

"I can take care of myself – I've had training." Spaller puffed his chest out, making his stomach jiggle; and Garrus was hard pressed not to laugh at his display. He heard Ionos snorting quietly to herself. Chellick let out a hum of embarrassment.

He didn't know what training Spaller was alluding to; but it wouldn't suffice against a group of semi-drunken Batarian mercs, it wouldn't even work on that bunch of juvenile pyjaks.

"Er…" Chellick rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Don't we need to cover him with something." He was still keeping his eyes firmly fixed on Spaller's face.

He had a point. The tablecloth had been dumped down the trash chute as quickly as possible.

"Here." Ionos reached under her desk and pulled out a couple of fat silvery wafers.

Garrus recognized them as emergency blankets. They kept a supply down here for those who took dips in the Presidium Lake. Willing or unwilling. Also for whatever C-Sec had to go in to fish them out.

Garrus took one and opened it. Then he went to drape it around Spaller's shoulders.

"What are you doing?" The man jerked away.

"It's just an emergency blanket, sir." Garrus told him, keeping his voice calm. The last thing he wanted was to get the man riled up - again.

"The cells are cold and this will keep you warm."

When Spaller's color stayed splotchy but not so red; and stopped backing away, Garrus knew he'd succeeded in placating the man.

Given how tired he'd been earlier he wondered why he was being so patient; but then that new sense that had been developing for a while now told him that Spaller was neither dangerous nor malicious. He was simply a rather annoying little man that had to be protected from his own ignorance.

Once he got the emergency blanket situated, fortunately it came down far enough to cover the salient area, he led Spaller down to the row of solitary cells.

He locked him in, being careful to leave the window on the door open. Spaller didn't look happy; but, at least, he wasn't protesting or resisting arrest. Garrus shuddered to think of trying to grab a naked human who was fighting. Even with gloves on that would not end well for the human.

"I'm sure your wife will be here shortly." Garrus reassured Spaller, who just slumped down on the bench/bed unhappily pulling the blanket tighter around himself.

Once sure the human was settled in, he walked back to intake where Chellick was talking with Ionos.

"Chellick, she's not interested in you." Ionos was telling the younger man with all the wisdom of her several hundred years.

"But she talks to me." Came the protest.

"So do the mercs we capture, that does not mean they like us." She retorted.

"No, I'm sure she likes me." Chellick insisted and behind him Garrus just shook his head at Ionos who did that human eye roll thing.

"Declan, why don't you go upstairs and write up your report."

"Aren't you coming with me?"

"I want to stay down here until Mrs. Spaller arrives." Garrus told him and gestured off to the side. "And I can use one of the vacant intake consoles to do mine."

With a chirp of agreement, Chellick got into the elevator and left.

"What's the real story, Vakarian?" Ionos eyed him.

Trust the Asari to figure him out.

"I don't want to run into either Palin or my father, or, Spirit's forbid, both of them." He told her and she gave him a sympathetic smile. She pointed to a small, darkened room off to the side.

"That console is free."

"Thanks." He walked over and turned on the light in the door less room and cursed, instantly falling into a defensive position and pulling his pistol as he was confronted by several figures. He almost fired before something stopped him. They weren't attacking and there was something off about their appearance, and their scents. All he could smell was an odd chemical type of scent and they seemed frozen in place.

There was an Asari – arms open, a Turian – arms at waist level, a Salarian in – were those mating colors? A human – he thought – but no human, he hoped, looked like that, and, of all things – a Volus.

As he began to uncoil from his firing position and put his pistol away, the Volus slowly toppled off the crate it was standing on and bounced off the floor with a odd pinging sound.

"Sergeant, what in the name of all the Spirits is this…stuff?" He called while standing in the doorway, afraid to venture in.

After a moment she came up beside him.

When she saw what he was staring at, she colored.

"Sorry, Vakarian, didn't realize this is where the night shift put this stuff. Property was over whelmed last night."

"What are they?" He'd finally taken a step inside the small room and cautiously poked at the nearer Asari figure. It bounced back against a crate, while the Volus figure drifted/scuffed across the floor at his intrusion.

"An illegal shipment of a human invention called an inflatable sex toy." She informed him, bending down to pick up the Volus and put it back up on the crate. The other figures shifted and bumped into each other with faint pings as she got closer.

"Sex toy?" He eyed the inflatable 'things' for a moment then he realized what she meant, and the reason the Turian's arms were waist high and the Salarian was in mating colors.

His mandibles clapped tight to his mouth and he let out a high chirp of embarrassment.

"You mean they are for…, people can…, they want to…" He knew he was babbling but he couldn't help it. The concept was almost too extreme for him to take in.

"Yeah. You've got to be pretty damn desperate to want one of those." Ionos motioned him out of the room with a jerk of her head.

"And pretty damn desperate to think up such a thing." She continued turning the light off. "Come on we only use the other room to store cleaning supplies in."

 _"Wait, you mean these are inflatable figures you use for sex?" Teskal demanded._

 _"Yeah." Garrus still hadn't quite wrapped his mind around the concept. Then he was distracted as Teskal let out a chuckle. Oh Spirits, he knew that sound, the older man was intrigued by those things. He knew Teskal didn't need such aids, so he didn't understand. Then it dawned and he groaned._

 _"Whatever you have in mind, don't do it until I'm on the far side of the Citadel and have an alibi." He told the older man flatly._

 _"And what would I have in mind, Officer?" Teskal was near purring he was so smug._

 _"I don't want to know, Teskal." Garrus told him flatly. Given Teskal's running feud with some of C-Sec's upper echelon he could guess, and wished he hadn't._

 _"And whatever it is, please try to leave Castis out of it." Garrus knew that Teskal respected his father's skills but thought him too rule bound._

 _Teskal's smirk just got bigger._

 _"So what happened next?" The older man changed the subject but Garrus knew he was plotting just how best to use those ridiculous figures in some sort of embarrassing prank._

"I went to work on my report." He said. "Learned more euphemisms for naked then I wanted to".

Garrus sat back, being careful to not knock over the several magna dust brooms that had been leaning against the console. He'd put them against the wall; but there wasn't much room in here. The somewhat smelly bucket he'd shoved over near the door, after dumping several bottles of cleaning solution in there. He didn't want to touch the mop.

He carefully reread his report. It was as factual as it could be without getting into graphic detail. He'd let the enclosed booking pictures take care of that.

Just then his omni-tool signaled with a priority call.

He checked, fearing it was from Castis only to find that it was Chellick.

"Declan?"

There was a nervous clearing of throat and voice boxes from the younger man.

"I think Spaller's mate is here, Garrus."

"How do you know?"

"Tall, scrawny, I doubt she's had any genetic mods; and Spirits, her head fringe is all…all…poufy and pink like an Asari sweet." He went on.

"Did she check in with the front desk?" Garrus was beginning to wonder what was upsetting the younger man.

"Not yet."

"Does she have his clothes?"

"I think so."

"Then bring her down here." Just then he heard what sounded like some kind of disturbance behind the younger man. "What's wrong? What is it?"

"She's…er…naked!"


	3. Chapter 3 - Say That Again

_Greetings All. I hope everything goes well for you. Another chapter in - Not Covered in the Manual. This is a somewhat less insane chapter than the others; but never fear things will soon start going to heck in a hand basket. LOL As always thank you for your favs, your follows, and your comments. Should you spot any mistakes don't hesitate to let me know - I'm far from perfect. Oh, I've decided to put Garrus and Teskal's conversations in italics - so they are easily recognizable from the rest of the chapter._

* * *

Say That Again

 **Garrus**

After grabbing a couple of the emergency blankets from Ionos, Garrus took the elevator up to C-Sec's main lobby. Engaging in the Citadel wide past time of cursing the speed of the contraption. He'd yet to be in one that didn't move at the speed of an Elcor reciting poetry, in fact an Elcor just might be faster.

He hit the lobby and stalked out, wondering where they'd put a naked woman, and not, at first, seeing any unexpected crowd of people.

"I have my rights!" Came a loud, screechy female voice from one of the complaint cubicles. Her voice was just on the edge of being painful to Turians.

Found her, he thought, as he made his way over, where, through the two way mirror, he could see Chellick busy confronting a very skinny human woman with a bush of faded red hair. She was very displeased, very vocal about her displeasure, oh, and very naked.

"Yes ma'am you do." Chellick was being enormously patient but his sub harmonics were signaling that he was tired of dealing with this woman. If she was anything like her husband, Garrus sympathized.

Chellick had half shut the door of the complaint cubicle. It was where people could file a complaint in private, or a complaint that perhaps didn't immediately need a C-Sec officer; or talk to C-Sec out of the public eye. Also useful for keeping less than clothed humans from disturbing the lobby area. Given the number of loitering C-Sec, officers and technicians – Asari, Salarians, and Turians – he was fairly sure what they were loitering for.

Approaching the group, he pointedly and loudly cleared his throat. All those of a lower rank, instantly remembered something they urgently needed to do elsewhere and left. All those of a higher rank, slowly meandered off like they hadn't been loitering in the first place. Apparently, for some odd reason, everybody wanted to catch a glimpse of the naked human.

He slipped into the cubicle. Unobtrusively he thought, but Mrs. Spaller spun and shrieked at his entrance. Now, in close proximity, her voice actually hurt his ears. He was certain that every Turian for 50 yards heard her.

"It's all right, ma'am, he's my colleague." Chellick exclaimed. By the tightness of Chellick's mandibles, his ears must be also be ringing, Garrus thought, shaking his head.

The shrieking stopped – thank the Spirits.

"Um, sorry Officer, you startled me." She was, at least, apologetic.

"No problem." He lied, sure that she could neither read his features nor hear his sub harmonics. "You're Mrs. Spaller?"

"Yes." She brandished a cheap bag the tourist shops used to put purchases in. "I have some clothes; but why does he need them?"

Spirits, Garrus thought to himself, another belligerent one.

"Because it's illegal to walk around the Citadel without clothes on, ma'am." He kept the frustration out of his audible voice; but any Turian would know by the sound of his sub harmonics that he was annoyed.

To his surprise she suddenly turned a very rosy sort of color. At first he thought she was angry, then he realized that she was doing that blushing thing that humans did when embarrassed. He hadn't realized that their whole bodies could change color like those earth lizards he'd read about.

"We aren't?"

"No Mrs. Spaller." Chellick spoke up. "No one is allowed to go without clothes in the public areas of the Citadel."

Garrus had occasionally seen small Turian children running around naked; but they were children and didn't count; and their parents didn't let them do it for long, or in heavily trafficked areas.

"But Mr. Leary told us we could." She said plaintively.

"Who's Mr. Leary?" Garrus demanded.

"The chairman of the ANIU convention." She told him, fidgeting.

He realized then that she must now be somewhat embarrassed by her lack of clothes. He pulled one of the survival blankets that he'd grabbed from Ionos, opened it and handed it to her.

She took it gratefully and started wrapping it around her body.

About then his omni-tool signaled and he stepped outside to take the call. It was Executor Palin.

"Vakarian, is there another naked human in the lobby?" He demanded without any kind of greeting.

"Yes Executor. It's Mr. Spaller's wife with his clothes."

"We don't need any kind of disturbance…" he began.

"Chellick has her in one of the complaint rooms and I just gave her a survival blanket to cover herself with." Garrus cut him off. Normally he'd hear about his lack of civility but Palin was too pleased by his answer to reprimand him, or to send for his father to investigate. The last thing Garrus needed or wanted was Castis overseeing him - again.

"Excellent." There was a pause. "Has she said anything about why these people are roaming around clothes less?"

"She mentioned something about the chairman of the convention telling them it was okay."

"Them? There are more naked humans out there?" Palin exclaimed, his voice rising slightly in what Garrus recognized as consternation.

"It sounded that way, sir." That thought hadn't occurred to Garrus either and he shuddered as visions of naked humans wandering around the Citadel came to mind.

"I want you and Chellick to take the humans back to the convention venue. Find this Leary and make it very clear to him that there will be no more naked humans roaming the Citadel." Palin ordered.

"We're not charging them?" Garrus asked though he was secretly pleased. Trying to find a safe place to put the humans was not high on the list of things he wanted to do. Between the mercs in the drunk tank, over curious C-Sec, and obsessed lab techs; he wasn't sure that any place was really safe.

"No, not this time." Palin sighed. "But if we have to bring them in again then yes."

"Yes sir."

Palin signed off and Garrus went back into the complaint cubicle. Mrs. Spaller had managed to wrap the blanket around herself. She wasn't completely covered but she was no longer distractingly naked. Unlike her husband she seemed to be willing to work with C-Sec.

"If you'll follow me, Mrs. Spaller." He indicated for her to go ahead of him.

Just as they hit the center of the reception area, another C-Sec pair came in with – surprise - a naked human. Male this time, not quite so jiggly or hairy as Mr. Spaller. Garrus recognized the C-Sec officers escorting him. Long time partners - a Turian named Jadak, and an Asari matron named Corlen.

"Opal, are they harassing you?" The human demanded on seeing Mrs. Spaller.

"No Steven." She sounded less than pleased to see her fellow – Naturist. "I was called down to bring Timothy some clothes."

"They don't have the…."

"Yes they do." She interrupted him. "Leary didn't bother to mention that it's against Citadel law to run around without clothes on. It's their station – we're guests here."

"We're…." Steven began.

"Humans are not the top dogs here, Steven. Best to get that idea into your head and try to work with everyone." Mrs. Spaller cut him off.

Garrus wasn't sure what a top dog was; but he could infer what she meant and he was both surprised and pleased at her attitude. Seemed that not all humans were oblivious of reality.

They had to wait for an elevator to take them down to the right booking level.

"Where should we take him?" That was Jadak as they stepped in.

"I'd suggest Ionos. There's barely anyone down on that level and there are empty solitary cells." Garrus told him.

"Solitary?" Corlen looked surprised.

Garrus gestured to 'Steven'. "Do you think he'd be safe in the general lock up?"

Corlen eyed the man up and down and shook her head. "No. Ionos it is." She hit the right button.

Steven began shifting, smiling at Corlen. At first Garrus thought he was fidgeting like Mrs. Spaller had been earlier then he realized that the man was posturing like he was hunting a mate… a twitch of motion caught his eye. What in Spirits n…. Garrus suddenly realized what was going on; and wished he hadn't. SPIRITS He did not want to be in an elevator with a human male – a human male trying to impress an Asari.

Chellick saw what he was looking at and suddenly started staring fixedly at the elevator door. Jadak glanced down and let out a chuff of amusement, with a sub harmonic of disbelief.

Corlen also realized what was happening and she just stared at the man with the jaded eyes of a 300 plus year old Asari who'd seen a lot more impressive sights. She was obviously underwhelmed; and Garrus could also see her debating whether or not to just biotically shock the man. It would solve that problem but might cause several others

Garrus handed over his spare survival blanket to Corlen. She was puzzled then she understood. "Thanks Vakarian."

Mrs. Spaller looked down and, to Garrus's amazement, snorted. "No one is interested, Steven. Chill."

To Garrus's further amazement, Steven 'chilled'. He wasn't exactly sure what that meant; but the male stopped his posturing and things, well, quieted down.

 _"Nobody's taught you about innuendos yet, have they, Garrus?" Teskal interrupted with a snort of laughter and Garrus looked at him puzzled._

 _"I'll explain later." Teskal signaled for new drinks. "So what happened next?"_

When they finally got down to the floor that Ionos was on, it was still quiet; and Garrus hoped it would stay that way.

Ionos glanced up from her console as they made their way over to her.

"Are you collecting them now, Vakarian?" She was amused.

He scowled at the Asari. "This is Mr. Spaller's wife with his clothes.

He motioned to Jadak and Corlen. "That one," He indicated Steven. "belongs to them." He started to show Mrs. Spaller where her husband was when he turned back to his fellow C-Sec. "Ask Palin what he wants to do with him." He pointed to Steven. He got a nod from Corlen and a mandible click from Jadak.

With that he escorted Mrs. Spaller down to her husband's cell while Chellick stayed behind to start the paperwork ( _there was always paperwork_ ) on getting Spaller released.

"Is my husband under arrest?" She asked hesitantly before they got there.

"No. Executor Palin has ordered my partner and I to take you back to the convention hall, no charges filed. If however you're caught outside the venue again sans clothing you will be arrested."

She nodded as they reached the cell. He opened the door and let her in.

"Just call me when you're done."

With that he closed the door. Being automatic, it instantly relocked. He then settled against the wall across from the cell, to give the Spaller's some privacy, yet be within calling distance.

From the sounds of it, Mrs. Spaller had a lot to say to her husband, and she didn't sound happy. Good as far as Garrus was concerned. He really didn't want to have to contend with a belligerent Spaller again; and the man was just the type to do something stupid out of spite.

After a few minutes Chellick came looking for him; and he pushed himself off the wall as his friend came up.

"Paperwork handled?"

"Yes." Chellick told him. "Palin wants us to take the other one back with us, also."

"Thought as much." Garrus sighed. "Is he behaving now?"

"Um," Chellick rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, he was posturing for Ionos until she started laughing at him."

That drew a choked snort out of Garrus. Though it hadn't happened to him, he'd heard just how daunting it was for a male, any male, to have their manhood laughed at.

"He stopped after that." Chellick sounded slightly puzzled

"If someone laughed at your.." He motioned towards the lower portion of Chellick's armor, "..in front of strangers, would you want to continue?"

"Ah…no." Garrus could tell by the way Chellick held his mandibles and his sub harmonics that he was slightly embarrassed.

"Oh, he also wanted me to remind you that all of our graduating class that are on dayshift are supposed to show up later at the auditorium." Chellick paused as if searching his memory. "Something about some photo shoot."

"Spirits, I'd hoped he'd forgotten about that." Garrus groaned.

"What photo shoot; and what does it have to do with us?"

"Some fashion designer is doing a major shoot by the Presidium Lake; but he also wants to use real C-Sec officers in the background." Garrus explained.

 _"Spirits. Palin decided to go along with that insanity?" Teskal interrupted him. "That kind of thing never ends well."_

 _"You have no idea." Garrus shuddered as he downed his new drink in one swallow._


	4. Chapter 4 - Con Chair

_Hello All, I hope everything goes well for you. As always sorry for the delay, Real Life kept attacking when I wasn't looking. (It does that.) Anyway, next chapter in the Not Covered in the Manual story. As I frequently do - I ended on a cliff hanger. I know, I'm a baaad person. LOL As always thank you to everyone who has faved, is following, or has left me a comment , you all rock. If I've made any mistake please let me know - I'm far from fallible. Oh, I have changed Pallin's name from being spelled with one L to being spelled with two. I was made aware that it's done with two Ls not one. My bad - I've seen it both ways. Wishing you all the best. And for those who might recognize the title - yes, I've attended SyFy conventions. Worked them too. FYI - electrum is a metal made of combining gold and silver so it tends to have a warm silver look to it. Not really one or the other._

* * *

Con Chair

 **Garrus**

Very shortly, Mrs. Spaller was through ' _discussing_ ' things with her husband and she knocked on the door, then waved through the window.

"Officer?"

He was already unlocking the door to let the two humans out. Spaller was now dressed in a simple, if wildly colored, dress? No, human males didn't wear dresses – at least he didn't think they did.

 _"You really are an innocent, aren't you?" Teskal sounded amused._

 _"What's that supposed to mean?" Garrus demanded, momentarily distracted from his tale. Teskal's occasional insinuations were both puzzling and annoying._

 _"Later. So what happened next?"_

Mrs. Spaller was now wearing a pair of very baggy pants under her survival blanket and after a second, Garrus realized that she must have brought them for her husband, but had wisely commandeered them for herself. Spaller still looked a little irritated but when he went to open his mouth, his wife just glared at him. He stayed silent, thank the Spirits.

Garrus and Chellick escorted the two humans out to the front desk where Jadak and Corlen had Steven. Who was now wearing one of the ubiquitous survival blankets wrapped around his waist like a shiny electrum colored towel.

"I think you better order more blankets, Sergeant." Garrus commented to Ionos.

"You think there are going to be more naked humans?" The Asari was startled.

"I don't know; but best to be prepared." Garrus told her.

"True." Ionos said after a moment. She glanced down at her console. "Normal order?"

At that all five of the C-Sec agents looked at the humans. Spaller and Steve looked somewhat belligerent. Mrs. Spaller looked both annoyed and disgusted; but she was glaring at her fellow humans, not the officers.

"Right." Ionos nodded briskly. "A double order."

"Add some Elcor sized ones." Garrus suggested quietly so the humans wouldn't hear.

"They won't spoil." Chellick pointed out.

"Good point." The Asari began inputting something into her console.

"You're cleared to take them out of here, Vakarian." Ionos didn't even look up from what she was doing.

Garrus turned to go then stopped and reached back over the counter. He grabbed several more survival blankets. He tossed a couple to Chellick and stowed the rest in his armor. Corlen followed his lead and got some for herself and her partner. Then they all boarded the larger elevator they used for Elcor, Krogan, and the occasional obnoxious Hanar street preacher.

Steve drifted back into the corner. Garrus didn't know whether he was going to get up to anything or wanted to be as far away from Mrs. Spaller and Corlen as he could get.

Mr. Spaller was obviously going to plant himself in the center of the elevator to be obstructive; but Jadak just glared at him, with the slightest of growls; and the man scurried to the back.

It was Mrs. Spaller that the four C-Sec officers treated with a certain amount of respect. She wasn't causing trouble, she seemed to have a good grasp of real life, and she was being courteous to them. A sometimes rarity for street officers, particularly those who patrolled the Wards.

Corlen and Jadak got a dispatch call on their omni-tools while the elevator was going up. She hit the button for the garage level, not the maintenance, dispatch and intake level. All of them had a special code installed on their omni-tools that allowed them entry into most all the vehicles, ( _the cars for the higher echelon wisely not being part of that system_ ) and recorded who had taken what vehicle to the central monitoring system.

 _It was a fairly fool proof system he commented absently to Teskal._

 _"Most of the time." Teskal murmured to himself, studying his drink._

 _Garrus was about to ask what he meant when he remembered that Teskal was infamous at C-Sec for getting into systems he shouldn't have been able to and for his pranks or_ _'attitude reassessments'_ _as he referred to them. The only reason he was still at C-Sec was one, because his apprehension and conviction rate was exemplary, and two, nobody organic or VI had caught him at it._

As the elevator hit the air car garage level. "Are you going to be able to handle this, Vakarian?" Corlen inquired, pulling her pistol to check on it.

"I don't believe any of them will give us trouble." He told the Asari.

"All right. Come on Jadak – a disturbance at the _Dark Star_." Corlen headed for one of the two person air cars.

"Bet this is a continuation of the one we broke up last night?" Came the Turian's grumble as he and his partner climbed inside.

"Which was a continuation of the one we broke up last week." Garrus called after them. He got a chirp of agreement from Jadak and a hand gesture from Corlen that said she'd been spending too much time around humans.

In moments the air car rumbled to life and then lifted out of the garage area. Corlen barely waited until she was clear of the building to hit the lights and siren.

Garrus glanced around to see what vehicles were available. The heavy-duty van they used for transporting drunks and/or belligerent mercs was out. It still needing cleaning and he could, his nostrils twitched, smell it from across the immensity of the garage. He was certain that even humans with their less sensitive sense of smell could probably smell it.

The two seater, first response cars were far too small; he and Chellick would barely be comfortable in it.

So that left the cars that usually carried a patrol squad to back up their heavy assault team. The few humans in C-Sec referred to that as a S.W.A.T. team. When he'd asked what it meant and the acronym ( _Special Weapons and Tactics_ ) was explained to him, he's liked the answer so he'd also begun to call them the S.W.A.T. squad.

" _Oh, so that's what that means." Teskal commented. "I wondered. Swatting does not seem like something to deter a hardened criminal. More likely to get you shot or head butted into a wall."_

 _Garrus about choked. The idea of 'swatting' a Krogan merc suddenly trying to get lodged in his brain. Must be the alcohol he thought, but didn't stop drinking._

Everybody got onboard. Mr. and Mrs. Spaller, and Steve in the back, while he and Chellick headed the front. Chellick started for the storage for the restraints, a usual and required part of the protocol for transporting civilians; but Garrus just waved him away with a small dismissive hum, electing to ignore that part. Chellick gave him a questioning hum and Garrus just rumbled back in assurance. He didn't think the humans were a menace that required restraint, besides there was a barrier between the back area and the front seats.

Obviously puzzled and unsure, still Chellick deferred to him on the matter.

Once everyone was in and secure, Garrus settled into the driver's seat. He sent through a notification that they were leaving the building to central. Not waiting for acknowledgement, he started the engine and lifted her off, leaving the garage at a sedate speed.

"Just follow the laws – Vakarian." Chellick muttered, cinching down his seat belt – hard, as they merged with Citadel traffic.

"What else would I do?"

Chellick gave him a distinctly jaded look. "Attempting to ram another air car, setting the auto pilot and exiting the car at speed, almost taking out the Krogan statue by the lake…." He glared at his partner, "should I continue."

"We apprehended our suspects." Garrus returned airily.

"And got a two hour lecture from Pallin." Chellick reminded him. "The only reason you didn't get one from your dad was because he'd gone back to Palaven."

"My father trusts my judgment." Garrus protested half-heartedly, earning a disbelieving snort from the younger man.

"And I'm a Volus." Came the mutter. Garrus ignored him.

Just then Garrus had to put both hands on the controls as the traffic curved out of the normal traffic lanes, the squad car automatically following.

"What's happening?"

"Looks like…" Garrus peered out the window, " Traffic is being rerouted away from the lower lake."

Garrus hit a few buttons and lifted the air car out of the traffic flow to do an independent wide loop around the small, shimmering lake below them.

There were a whole lot of people working on something at the water's edge near an artificial rock wall laced with small waterfalls. Garrus could make out what looked like some sort of walk way; then it dawned on him what it had to be."

"They must be getting ready for that photo shoot?" Chellick let go with a questioning hum.

"They're having a photo shoot?" Mrs. Spaller tried to peer out a window; but squad cars weren't designed for sight seeing.

"Some human designer." Chellick spoke up. "Something to do with a scaled aquatic life form."

"That's a fish, Chellick." Garrus explained.

"Fish?" She looked confused then suddenly. "Wait, you mean Narren Garr is actually going to be here?" She said his name reverently like he was some sort of entertainer – not a clothing maker.

"That sounds like his name." Garrus spoke up, finishing his half turn around the smaller lake below and returning to the slightly congested traffic lanes.

"Oh my."

"Who is he anyway?" Chellick asked what Garrus was thinking.

"You don't know Narren Garr?"

"Ah…no." Garrus told her. Fashion Designers weren't high on the list of things a C-Sec officer needed to know about – but he didn't say that. He'd begun to learn that sometimes keeping quiet was the best idea.

"He's one of the most famous Terran fashion designers; but he also designs for other species – Asari, Turian, Salarian, even Volus." Mrs. Spaller explained excitedly.

That actually slightly impressed Garrus. Most clothing designers that he knew of, few though that might have been, only dealt with their own species. Someone willing to take on other species was a rarity; but then again, that didn't mean he was doing a good job of it. And the concept of designing clothes for a Volus about baffled him. How would one go about that he thought as he automatically shifted into the lane for the upper convention center area garage.

There were several convention centers on the Citadel; that this ANIU conference was being held in this facility so close to the Presidium spoke to it having powerful ( _read rich_ ) sponsors/backers.

Garrus waited patiently in line while the automated parking V.I. processed the waiting line of air cars ahead of him. Supply lories were routed to another lane that allowed for bigger vehicles and disappeared into the bowels of the garage area where the loading docks were.

Garrus was very glad to see that there were no naked humans wandering around in the parking area. He really didn't want to have to arrest a whole bunch of people for one person's mistake.

When they got up to the V.I.'s parking kiosk, it registered them as C-Sec.

"Official vehicle, formal clearance." It intoned and opened the gate – letting them through without having to take a ticket or pay for parking. All the convention centers recognized C-Sec vehicles and allowed them free entry. It also directed them over to several parking spots, near the elevators, reserved for official vehicles. Most were empty, but one or two had non C-Sec vehicles, non convention center vehicles in them and he was sorely tempted to give them parking tickets for being idiots.

Once he'd parked it, they all got out, and he set the security system. It was a cautionary tale told to all new C-Sec cadets of the officers who'd had their vehicle stolen because they hadn't set an alarm, and subsequently ended up patrolling the waste recycling area for months. As horror tales went it was pretty effective.

Not familiar with this venue, Garrus and Chellick let the humans lead the way. Steven looked like he was about to shed his 'blanket' when he got a cold, warning stare and mandible click from Garrus.

"Only in the convention venue itself – not anywhere outside it; and that includes the parking area." He told the human.

From the look on Steven's face he was irritated; but he did as Garrus instructed him.

The elevator, like all Citadel elevators, ever so slowly crept it's way down to the convention level.

"Are all the Citadel elevators this slow?" Mrs. Spaller asked the two C-Sec.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Why? You'd think with all these people, speed would be better." She commented.

"You would think; but that's a question that's puzzled people for centuries." Chellick told her. "And nothing anyone does seems to make a difference."

About then they hit the convention level and the doors opened. They'd barely gotten out onto the convention floor when they were hit by the sounds of loud yelling and thundering feet.

Instantly reacting, Chellick and Garrus spun, hands on their guns to face the noise. What they saw caused both of them to react. Chellick to go cold with dismay and Garrus to swear under his breath.


	5. Chapter 5 - Not In The Job Description

_Hello Good Folk. Still here and still writing, I've just gotten a lot slower at it - so sorry. Thank you to all those who've stuck around and are commenting, faving or following - you make my day. Sorry for the slightly serious chapter; but it will go back to insane shortly. I've still got to drive the whole day shift of one C-Sec precinct to drink. **Mwahahahahahahaha** \- they won't know what hit them. LOL I've corrected Palin's name to Pallin so you're not seeing things. Wishing you all a very good weekend. Cheers._

* * *

Not In The Job Description

 **Garrus**

"They're just kids." Steve said sarcastically on seeing the two C-Secs react.

Yes, they were kids. A small mob of about eight kids of various ages and genders, were yelling and chasing each other. Obviously having fun and oh, totally naked. They ran past the group without even stopping.

 _"Spirits!" Teskal exclaimed. Were they mad?"_

 _"I began to think so." Garrus replied coldly._

"I need to see this Leary person immediately." Garrus was barely keeping control of his temper and his sub harmonics. He was certain that they were making whatever little he was saying out loud – sound very hoarse. What was it the humans said – like he had a newt in his throat.

Mrs. Spaller looked at him in concern; but with a nod she led the way deeper into the outer lobby of the main convention hall. All around them were people who were talking, having a drink at the lobby bar – be it alcohol or coffee, and checking their programs. ( _Garrus and Chellick had been at other conventions.)_ All in various amounts of clothing. From fully dressed to really only having a purse covering the important areas. Garrus and Chellick made a point of focusing on Mrs. Spaller and not looking off to the side. Though the ones crossing in front of them were hard to ignore. They were here to talk to Leary not arrest half the convention; besides they were inside the convention venue and therefore legal – sort of.

And, of course, the two towering Turian C-Sec officers, armored and armed, escorting people in survival blankets were garnering more than their fair share of attention. Garrus could clearly hear the various whispers and murmurs as they walked by.

Before it got to a point that he was going to say something; because the obliviousness was starting to grate on his temper, they found their man.

"There he is." Mrs. Spaller exclaimed, pointing ahead to a small open cafe where a tall lanky male with grey hair, who was dressed in some sort of robe, was sitting talking with a group of people. All of whom were dressed in robes and sporting fancier than normal convention IDs. The Convention organizers, Garrus would have bet. Noting the color and scent of the drinks most of them had in front of them, fairly rich organizers.

"Jackson?" Mrs. Spaller spoke up and the man glanced up. He registered the group and from what Garrus could see; it looked like he wasn't pleased to see them. Or, more likely, not pleased to see Garrus and Chellick.

He got up and strode over, stalked really, to their little group. Garrus noted off handedly, that this Leary was near as tall as he and Chellick were.

"Opal, Timothy, Steve, what is this? Have these two been harassing you?"

Before Timothy or Steve could speak up, Mrs. Spaller did.

"No, they've been very polite despite the fact we were breaking the law." Mrs. Spaller shot back. Garrus was far from expert on humans; but he thought that she was irritated with the man

"Opal.." Leary began in a voice that was heavily condescending. "You're not breaking any laws."

"You're wrong sir." Garrus cut him off and Leary frowned. "No one is allowed to walk the outer areas of the Citadel – unclothed."

Leary's frown morphed into a scowl at that. "Officer." He used that same condescending tone from before only now you could cut it with an omni-blade.

"It's Officer Vakarian, Mr. Leary; and do you want me to show you which statutes cover this situation?" Garrus cut him off before he could even get started.

Seeing him starting to open his mouth, Garrus went on, getting a perverse satisfaction in shutting this man down.

"You are allowed to be clothed or unclothed, however you want, inside the convention venue." Garrus explained it to him like he was a child. "You cannot, however, be unclothed outside of the convention venue where the general public can see you. It's a safety and health issue." He just didn't mention who it was an issue for.

 _Teskal snorted at that_.

Leary again went to open his mouth and Garrus once again interrupted him. He could pick up the faint amusement of Chellick's sub harmonics at that.

"If you give me your contact information, I will send you the pertinent information, sir." He told the man. "But we have something more important to discuss with you." Now he began to let his anger really color his audible tones.

"We saw children."

"Yes." Leary preened at that, irritation forgotten. "Starting the children as Naturists early is very important."

The human had such a self-satisfied smirk on his face that it made Garrus want to slap it off his face, as he'd heard the humans say.

"Where are we Mr. Leary?" He fought his anger down and controlled his sub harmonics; but from the look on Leary's face he was far from successful.

"The Citadel, Officer." Leary snapped back, obviously irritated by Garrus's tone.

Chellick let out a low hum, warning Garrus to watch his attitude. Pallin had already given Garrus a warning about just that. Garrus gave a short mandible click back, acknowledging the warning, though secretly he didn't really care if he annoyed Leary.

"Yes, the Citadel. Home to millions of beings of all species. Not all of which come here honestly or openly."

"Of course. Every concentration of beings have those who are engaged in the illegal." Leary told him, not seeing where he was going.

"The Citadel is also, unfortunately, home to a too large underworld of mercs, thieves, pirates, and..slavers."

"So?" Garrus was seconds from exploding at Leary's dismissive attitude.

"Do you know how much a young female slave is worth, Mr. Leary." Garrus stopped trying to be polite. The Spallers both gave a gasp.

"Of course I don't. What are you suggesting?"

"I am suggesting nothing; but telling you that those children out there are worth thousands if not millions of credits to a slaver and you're letting them run around unsupervised and naked."

"No one…" Leary began and Garrus moved to tower over the human. To his credit Leary didn't back up, though it was a near thing.

"It wouldn't be just one, Leary. Word gets out, which it probably already has, and there will be a swarm of slavers."

"There is security."

"I helped take down a slaver/merc operation last month in the lower wards." Garrus's sub harmonics went discordant as he remembered what he and the others had found. Children – Asari, Salarian, even a Human and a Turian. Dirty, scared, half starved, and implanted with crude control devices. All forced into painfully small cargo crates. The smell had been bad but what haunted Garrus to this day was the silence. Even when they were freed the children had clung to each other, barely letting out a whimper. Shocked into muteness by the agony of the implants.

The C-Sec medics had said that the control devices would come out easily; but the psychological damage they inflicted might never heal. Garrus had gone home that night and quietly keened in the shower for their lost innocence.

"The Asari alone had been taken from a lab situation – surrounded by adults, biotic adults. Do you think the security here is any better, Mr. Leary?" Garrus was tempted to drive understanding into Leary's head with the butt of his gun but he restrained himself.

"Gods," That was Mrs. Spaller, going pale. "Would slavers try to raid the convention hall?"

"Probably not, ma'am." It was Chellick who answered her. "Most likely they would resort to someone infiltrating the convention and tricking the children out of the building."

"And it would only take a few moments and the children would never be seen again." Garrus added coldly.

The next fifteen minutes were some of the most infuriating Garrus had yet to endure. Leary refused to accept that the children were in danger or that he had done anything wrong in regards to the adults.

Chellick finally had to drag him over to the side on the pretense of asking him a question to keep him from doing something physical to Leary.

Garrus came reluctantly, his sub harmonics spiky with curses and anger.

"Calm down Garrus." The younger man spoke up.

"How can I be calm when that Spirit's cursed idiot refuses to see what he's done and what might happen." His anger was leading to Garrus raising his voices.

"You get him too angry and he won't do anything but complain to Pallin about us." Chellick hissed back. "Which won't help the children."

Spirits damn him; but Chellick was right. Losing his temper would achieve nothing; but what he and the others had found that night in a run down warehouse in a disused alley still haunted him. And to see someone that blatantly and stubbornly oblivious to the danger was sticking in his craw.

"We'll warn security and the C-Sec patrols that cover this area." Chellick went on.

Garrus didn't want to let it go at that. The children deserved, no, they desperately needed someone looking out for them in the convention center.

"Officer?" Came a hesitant voice. They both turned to find Mrs. Spaller had walked over to them. Mr. Spaller was talking to Leary and Steve. Well, Garrus couldn't see him anymore and there was a survival blanket half stuffed in a nearby waste receptacle.

Despite his anger, Garrus made an effort to be pleasant to the woman. She seemed to be the only one exhibiting any common sense.

"Yes, Mrs. Spaller?" Garrus asked, bending slightly so they were more eye-to-eye.

"Are the children really in danger?" She seemed a bit shy of him now; probably because of the anger in his sub harmonics. She couldn't hear it; but no doubt could feel it.

"Yes. I'm sure that most of the major slaver groups already know about them." He made an effort to quiet his under tones. "And are making plans."

She looked off to the side where the children were playing at the edge of a small decorative fountain. Garrus was fairly sure that they were going to be in the fountain shortly. Unsupervised children, on the Citadel, always seemed to unerringly find their way into the nearest fountain.

She seemed lost in thought for a moment then she turned back to him, squaring her shoulders; obviously having come to some decision.

"Will it help if I get in touch with their parents and warn them?"

"Immensely!" That was Chellick. "They need to have an adult.."

"Responsible adult." Garrus interrupted, glaring over at Leary.

"Responsible known adult with them at all times." Chellick went on. "One that won't fall for any tricks."

"Tricks?" She cocked her head almost like a Turian.

"Like pretending to be a C-Sec officer." Garrus explained.

"How would one know?" Now she was alarmed.

Garrus quickly sent her a message from his omni-tool. "That link is for C-Sec central. If anyone claims to be from C-Sec or the Citadel admin, instantly contact C-Sec and send them all the info. Also, try and get one of the Security to stay with you."

"I'll see to it, Officers." She told them.

Surprising Chellick, surprising even himself, Garrus bowed slightly to Mrs. Spaller. He'd read somewhere that that was a sign of respect among some humans. "Thank you, Mrs. Spaller."

A sudden flush of color tinted her cheeks; and with a brisk nod she headed off, grabbing her husband as she passed. Leary sort of sneered after her; and paused to glare over at the two C-Sec.

"Remember Mr. Leary, you're to inform the whole convention that wandering outside this building without clothes is illegal and violators will be arrested." Chellick spoke up realizing that Garrus was still angry at the man. He also pitched his voice loud enough that the people standing around could hear.

Before Leary could speak up; and antagonize Garrus further, the younger Turian dragged him off.

 _"I'm surprised you didn't just toss him into the fountain." Teskal spoke up._

 _"I was tempted; but Pallin has been insisting that I need to treat bystanders in a calmer fashion." Garrus growled, signaling for a refill._

" _Pallin has been away from the wards too long." Teskal grumbled, also signaling for another drink. "And he never really had to deal with the crazy that the humans have brought to the Citadel."_

 _"I assume you headed back to C-Sec?" The older Turian took a moment to savor his drink when it was delivered to him._

 _"Almost."_

 _Puzzled, Teskal tilted his head curiously as Garrus resumed talking._

Chellick and Garrus had gone back to the garage. Garrus leaving a few dents in the walls on the way up in an effort to release his anger.

"Spirits, don't let the cameras catch you or you'll be paying for that out of your salary."

"Could care less." Garrus growled; but restrained himself from disemboweling a couple of plants in a planter as he stalked by.

"You will when you're living on E-Rat paste because they withheld your salary." Came the snide comment.

Chellick got a sharp click of acknowledgement.

After they got back in their vehicle, Garrus took his omni-tool off of the silent mode. He tended to do that when he was going to be speaking to someone who wasn't C-Sec or Citadel.

Instantly his omni-tool lit up with several urgent, priority messages.

"What in Spirit's name did you do now?" Chellick demanded, scowling.

Garrus shushed him with a hand gesture and read the first couple of messages.

"Crap!" With that exclamation he turned on the air car and rocketed out of the garage area.

"Vakarian." Chellick near howled as he clung to the ' _safety_ ' handle on the ceiling.

"We forgot about that Spirits damned assembly for that photo-shoot." He told the younger man as he pointed the air car towards one of the faster traffic lanes. "Hold on."

 _"I assume Chellick was somewhat upset with your driving skills on the way to the auditorium." Teskal said dryly._

 _Garrus smirked. "What is that wonderful phrase the humans have – he screamed like a little girl all the way back to C-Sec."_

 _Teskal chuckled and shook his head; then lifted his glass in salute._

They barely made it back to C-Sec in time, despite Garrus's manic driving.

When they bounced, softly, back into the parking space.

 _"Softly, I'm sure." Teskal commented sarcastically and Garrus ignored him._

Garrus and Chellick quickly clambered out of the vehicle, Chellick somewhat unsteadily as he cursed Garrus out in his sub harmonics. Garrus ignored him.

Fortunately the assembly room that Pallin had chosen was one of the smaller ones on a lower level, so they got there quickly by running through back corridors and using the stairs.

Arriving outside the closed doors, they took a second to catch their breaths while Chellick very cautiously cracked open a door on the far back side of the room to check things out.

Pallin was talking to most of the day squad from behind a podium on the stage. The auditorium was darkened so Chellick motioned to Garrus and the two younger men snuck in the door to find a couple of places in the back row.

They'd barely settled in their seats with a relieved sigh when the lights came back up.

Pallin was accompanied by two oddly dressed humans. Garrus wasn't quite sure what style to call the outfits ( _not that he knew Spirit's all about fashion_ ) – he saw, or thought he recognized, elements from Asari, human, and maybe Turian. All done in odd fabrics and even odder colors.

Focused on the humans he didn't notice when the day shift started forming a line.

He was startled out of his contemplation by Chellick pulling him over to stand in the line.

"Decian, what's going on?" He hissed yanking his arm free.

"The Humans with the Executor work for that designer." One of their fellow Officers, an Asari named Casali spoke up. "They're looking over everyone who's here. See who get to be in the background of the ad."

"Spare me." Garrus muttered but slouched against the wall as the line crawled up towards the stage and the humans. One was on stage and other one, along with Pallin, was down on the floor.

Garrus wasn't surprised to note that Sintai was ahead of them in line. She was dressed in the latest Turian civilian fashion and had polished her faceplates and touched up her colony marks. Obviously she wanted to be in this photo shoot.

He did not, however, point out Sintai to Chellick. He knew the younger man would go try to get in line with her. That would not go down well on many levels; and he wasn't up to moderating a dispute between Chellick and several of their fellow officers.

Despite half dozing ( _it had been a long couple of days_ ) Garrus was amused to note that many of his fellows had gone all out for this occasion. Despite the dimness he was damn near blinded by all the armors that had been polished to a mirror shine. And the level of primping and preening had him chuckling quietly to himself.

He also noticed, cursing himself for not being smarter, one of two of the older Officers quietly slipping out the furthest doors when no one was looking.

"Spirits!" He glanced up to see Chellick also looking where he was. "I wish we'd thought of that."

He let go with an agreeing mandible click and settled back against the wall again.

He and Chellick weren't truly dirty; but neither were they highly polished. It had been, witness his fatigue, several long days; and while they'd cleaned their armor – it most certainly wasn't bright and shiny. It would pass muster, barely, with Pallin; but he doubted the Human designer would like it.

They finally got up to the stage. The human with Pallin looked them over dismissively. Garrus was sure he saw a faint sneer cross his face; and Chellick's sub harmonics actually signaled displeasure at that. Garrus knew then that the younger man was reaching the edge of his endurance. Chellick was one of the more imperturbable Turians around – except when he was exhausted.

At this point, Garrus could have cared less about anything, all he wanted to do was get out of here, clock out of his shift, get home to a hot shower, two day old take out, and a slightly lumpy bed.

Pallin waved the two younger men off, when.

"Those two officers, I want to use them." The man on the stage spoke up, pointing right at Garrus and Chellick.

"Them?" Pallin was disbelieving.

"Us?" Garrus exclaimed.

 _"You?" Teskal damn near snorted out his drink._


	6. Chapter 6 - Walking the Walk

_Greetings All. Sorry for such a short chapter but I reached what seemed to be the logical place to end it; and I dislike extending a chapter beyond a natural stopping point. It makes for choppy writing and disjointed reading. The next one should be much longer. (Snickers evilly.) I still have most of a Day Shift to drive into a bar. As always thank you for all your interest - you rock. Have a great day/week._

* * *

Walking the Walk

 **Garrus**

 _"They picked you and Chellick!" With that Teskal started snickering, much to Garrus's annoyance._

 _After a few moments. "I thought you weren't all clean and shiny like everybody else?"_

 _"Turns out they wanted real 'working' C-Sec." Garrus groaned. "They thought that all the 'shiny' ones weren't real, serving officers."_

 _Now Teskal started laughing out loud, provoking Garrus into growling at him. Teskal sub harmonically told Garrus to relax._

 _"So what did being picked, entail?" Teskal calmed down and asked, sub harmonics amused and curious._

 _"Nothing I wanted to do." Garrus rumbled._

Pallin had looked as horrified at the human's choice as Garrus had been.

"Narren wants real working C-Sec officers." The human on the stage hopped down to walk over to his associate, Pallin, Garrus and Chellick, and about six other C-Sec officers. Garrus recognized a working pair of Asari, both, surprisingly in their maiden years. The other pairs were two humans and two Salarian.

 _"Seems like he wanted two from each race." Garrus remarked, sipping at his drink. He'd had enough by this time that he realized he had to slow down or he was going to be in a world of hurt in the morning. It took a lot to get him drunk; but when he managed it – the hangover was usually lethal._

 _"Makes sense if he designs for all those races." Teskal commented._

"Your officers," the man addressed himself to Pallin. "..will be in the background or they will be assisting the models."

Garrus was concerned about that. Exactly what kind of assistance were they talking about here.

Apparently Pallin had the same thoughts. "Exactly how are my officers to assist?"

"Helping the models, posing with them, that kind of assistance." The man said airily, as if it was no big thing. To him it probably wasn't.

Garrus's thoughts screamed to a dead halt – he had no intentions or desire for his photograph being available to millions of people. Spirits knew what his father would think ( _or say_ ) and he didn't even want to guess what kind of teasing he'd have to endure from Solana. Sometimes she was too inventive. Though his mother would probably find it highly amusing, and get several copies of the pictures to hide away. He knew that somewhere she had a file of pictures and articles on both he and Solana, some of which he hoped would never again be viewed by another being.

From the looks of his fellow ' _models_ ' half of them were excited ( _humans and the Asari_ ) and the other half ( _Salarians and Chellick_ ) looked liked they felt exactly the way he did.

Pallin's expression was neutral but his sub harmonics were highly annoyed.

"Sir, I do have that outstanding case.."One of the Salarians began to speak up. Pallin cut him off.

"Whatever case you have; put it on hold, if you can't then hand it off." Here he let his breath whistle between his teeth. "The Council has made it an order that we are to cooperate fully with Designer Garr."

 _"Ouch. Pallin had to have hated that." Teskal let out a hum._

 _"I'm sure he did; but he wasn't going to let any of us know how much." Garrus said._

After a certain amount of instruction that Garrus basically ignored except for where and when to meet up the next day, all the remaining C-Sec were dismissed.

When they got out of the doors of the auditorium, Sintai and a couple of her friends were waiting.

 _"Of course she was." Teskal snorted. "I'll bet she was noticing Chellick now."_

 _"Unfortunately yes, and he was too besotted to realize she just wanted an in to the photo shoot." Garrus said sourly._

Knowing what she wanted and why, Garrus sketched a brief greeting and left Chellick to deal with her. He pointedly ignored all efforts on the part of her friends to catch his attention. It's not that they weren't attractive; and that he wasn't interested, it's that they normally wouldn't have even acknowledged him except for this Spirit's blasted photo shoot. Somehow, even for some much needed stress relief he wasn't able to stomach that.

He was no perfect match when it came to such things; but he at least wanted his partner to be a bit more interested in him than in whatever moronic assignment he'd been given.

He took one of the smaller elevators up to the lobby where he was startled, and yet not so startled, to find a couple of more C-Sec escorting survival blanket wrapped naked humans down to the holding cell levels.

"Looks like a bunch of ambulatory baked potatoes." He overheard one of the human officers comment as he walked by. Whatever a baked potato was. He made a mental note to look it up on the extranet.

 _"I thought Leary was going to talk to them?" Teskal commented._

 _When he didn't comment on 'baked potato', Garrus wondered idly if Teskal knew what it was._

 _"So did we." Came Garrus's sour reply._

Realizing that Pallin would have a lot to say about that problem and the photo shoot, Garrus quickly clocked out and headed for home before the man could hunt him down.

Later, sitting eating rewarmed left overs on his couch and watching an old vid wasn't very exciting; but, at that moment, he was content – no naked humans or embarrassing photo shoots.


	7. Chapter 7 - You Want Me to Do What?

_Salutations Everyone. No, I haven't disappeared out in the Terminus. I'm still here and still writing. Just taking a lot longer at it then when I first started, or I want to. Plus, Real Life in the form of rent attacked when I wasn't looking. (It does that.) Anyway, hope you enjoy this and I will try to get the next chapter up a lot faster. As always thank you for your kindnesses. Your favs, follows, and comments keep me going. This wondrous Universe and these characters belong to Bioware I'm just playing with them. Have a great day._

* * *

You Want Me to Do What?

 **Garrus**

Lumpy bed aside, ( _he really did need a new mattress_ ) he slept well in spite of that and the leftovers.

 _"Yeah," He grumbled to Teskal. "Didn't know I was going to need it."_

 _Teskal meanwhile had turned to observe the main room and the rest of Day Shift, then he rotated back around._

 _"I don't envy the Night Shift." He remarked quietly._

 _Glancing over his shoulder at the group, Garrus had to agree. They'd gotten quieter but with this crowd that wasn't necessarily a good thing. He figured that a lot of them were brooding over the insanity of the past two days and a brooding Turian was just a stressed out Turian who was plotting something, or hadn't gotten around to fighting yet._

 _"Remind me to be somewhere else when they sound Final Drink." He remarked to the older Turian and got a mandible clic of agreement._

Garrus had gone into work not sure what he was going to find. The lobby of C-Sec was quiet and fairly empty for a rare moment and he started thinking that the naked human problem was over until he spotted several crumpled up survival blankets stuffed into a trashcan.

With a sigh and a nod to the desk receptionist, a somewhat frazzled ( _now that he thought of it_ ) sounding Turian, he headed for the conference room he'd been told to report to.

His entrance to the grounds of C-Sec had been automatically registered with Central, clocking him into his shift. His omni-tool had a special program installed that recorded the time he spent on the grounds of the academy. To his shock, one of the things he'd been cautiously offered after a couple of months ( _his father_ _was_ _Castis Vakarian_ ), was a program to modify that program. So he could be on the grounds without the program checking him in.

He was torn about what to do with that. This program shouldn't exist; and he'd already heard rumors that one of the human C-Secs was apparently abusing the function that made one appear to be at C-Sec when you weren't. He wondered who that was.

He also wasn't so sure how well it fulfilled any of its functions. Given how strong and up to date C-Sec's security protocols were kept – he honestly wondered. Only a tech genius could create that kind of program; and with an old omni-tool he no longer used he'd checked out the program and saw no sign of genius anywhere in it. In fact, it seemed rather crude and clunky to him.

Though he disliked his father's saying of – _Do it right, or not at all_ – it had stuck with him and he'd not used the program, nor had he even installed it on his omni-tool. Again uncertain if it did what they claimed or if it was just a way to get a virus onto his omni-tool. A suspicious little sense that he'd begun to acquire, made him wonder if he'd just been offered this program as a way to embarrass or discredit his father. Castis most certainly had his detractors and enemies.

He was one of the first to arrive at the conference room. There were hot beverages and food present, so they were trying to impress someone. It wasn't any of the C-Sec people, of that he was certain. No one being around, he took advantage of the set up and got himself some hot _Khaal_ and some small bites of preserved meat wrapped in cooked leaves - _Chetes_. It was a staple of Turian breakfasts that he hadn't really had since he left home. It wasn't as tasty as his mothers but it was still good.

With a sigh, he settled into a chair at the conference table and waited. It wasn't long before Chellick showed up with, surprise, Sintai with him. Chellick looked like he hadn't had much sleep.

 _"I wonder why?" Teskal commented snidely._

 _Garrus ignored him._

He could tell that Sintai had spent a lot of time on her appearance. Her facial plates were smooth and had a slight sheen to them. She'd no doubt done a buff and oil to get them that way. Her colony marks were bright and crisp, the areas around her eyes were dark with a slight hint of a blue color; and she was wearing an outfit that didn't appear expensive but that probably cost more than he made in a month.

Garrus was amused to note that Chellick got Sintai a cup of _Khaal_ and some breakfast sweets before he got his own.

" _Boy has it bad." Teskal said._

 _"You have no idea." Garrus sighed._

Chellick had settled next to him, to Sintai's displeasure, which she didn't both to keep out of her sub harmonics. She carefully sat down on the other side of Chellick, daintily sipping at her _Khaal_.

His partner gave him a sleepy nod, drinking his _Khaal_ and devoted himself to Sintai. Who was just barely, in Garrus's mind, acknowledging the younger man.

About then the others started coming in, all of them stopping to get refreshments.

Unsure of exactly what they were going to be doing, all the officers grouped together at one end of the table, rather like they'd line up for roll call.

"Anybody know what they want us for?" The male half of the human team, David Johnson, spoke up.

"To look pretty and keep the models from falling over." His partner, Amy Timmons piped up.

"Why do they need us then?" That was the Salarian Jannz. "Rocks, railing – all more stable than living beings."

"This is about art – not logic Jannz." Amy told the Salarian.

"Art contains logic; but of its own." Jannz retorted.

Before the two could get into a 'discussion' about art and artists, Pallin came in the door with three humans, an Asari, and a Salarian. Garrus recognized two of the humans as the ones who were at the auditorium yesterday. The third he had no idea who she was; but the other two were subtly deferring to her – so, no doubt, she was someone important. But not, he thought, Narren Garr.

Pallin did a quick head count and had a relieved smile when he realized that all of them were present. Then he spotted Sintai.

"Sintai, why are you here?"

She didn't quite pose but it was close. "I thought you might need some help, sir."

Pallin exhaled through his nose and stared at her; and Garrus was certain he was marshaling his thoughts before he spoke.

"I don't need assistance with this; but if you would return to the office and get the reports done that the Councilors are requesting of us, that would be an enormous help." Pallin was being exceptionally polite, for him. Garrus had never gotten that kind of attitude when the Executor wanted him to do something. Usually it was – DO IT, before I assign you to the protein vat patrol.

 _"Yes well." Teskal teased. "You're not young, pretty, or female."_

Sintai's mandibles were near glued to the side of her mouth and she was keeping tight control of her sub harmonics as she gave Pallin a terse nod and stood up.

"Sintai, I'm sorry." Chellick murmured as she left. Garrus realized that he was honestly distressed for her. He also decided that Chellick, despite sometimes being a rule-obsessed idiot, deserved a lot better than the obviously self-absorbed secretary.

 _"I hope he realizes that she's gonna blame him. No matter that it was Pallin who sent her away." Teskal rumbled._

 _"He learned." Garrus didn't elaborate._

"Officers this is Gloria Velten, Mr. Garr's assistant and in charge until he arrives this afternoon." Pallin introduced the woman Garrus had pegged as someone important. Skinny. He hadn't known humans could get that thin. Multi colored hair, pink, gold, bronze, done up in ornate ropes.

 _"Braids I think they're called." Teskal informed him._

 _Garrus gave a hum of acknowledgement._

Garrus wasn't sure, synthetics were so good these days, but he thought she was wearing a pyjak pelt vest that reached to her knees.

 _"About the only thing those annoying drakken are good for." Came a grumble that Garrus ignored._

From time to time, just about every C-Sec officer got an escaped pet call; and more often than not it was a pyjak or pyjaks. The one he'd had to chase had been wearing a fluffy orange sweater.

Garrus wasn't sure what to call the rest of her outfit, what he could see under the vest; but he thought there were high boots, tight pants and a very odd shirt in a very strange color.

"Officers." Velten had a mellow voice. Somewhat at odds with her thin build. " You met Robert Tefall and Jordan Makks yesterday." She motioned to the two humans that had been at the auditorium with Pallin.

"This is Das Kerlin and Retta T'Mesta. They work for Mr. Garr as consultants."

Garrus wondered if there was a Turian consultant and if not – why.

"Our Turian consultant was called back to Palaven on family business." She went on to tell them answering Garrus's unspoken questions.

There were nods and low voiced greetings all around.

"What exactly do you need my officers to do?" Pallin asked, then because he was executor. "And for how long?"

"Your people are to be background for the photo shoot." Velten told hm. "That means a couple of hours of rehearsal, and the rest of the day on the shoot."

Pallin seemed to consider that. It meant that eight of his officers would be totally unavailable for assignments; not taking into account those who would be providing security and crowd control. However, it also meant that he would keep the Councilors happy. The Councilors that held the power of veto on his budget, manpower and equipment requests.

"We are at your disposal he said, after a moment." He was polite but his sub harmonics were a touch resigned.

 _Teskal snorted. "Pallin is more of a politician than Esselen was."_

"We have outfits for them…" Velten began when Pallin interrupted her.

"Outfits? My people all have their armor or would you prefer they wear their uniforms?"

"Maybe we could be naked?" Came a faint murmur from David's direction then a smack and a loud ' _ouch_ ' as Amy hit him in the back of the head.

"Sometimes you're a pig, Johnson." She hissed.

"No, Jordan and Robert came up with some stylized C-Sec outfits for your people." Velten explained.

Pallin just gave a clic of his mandibles; but his sub harmonics were anything but pleased. "Your green room, is it, is down two levels."

"I also asked for a tent by the shooting site – for clothing changes, everyone to relax, and make up touch ups." Velten's face kind of wrinkled and Garrus realized that she was a bit concerned.

"The tent is being erected at this moment." Pallin told her and she stopped being concerned.

Before she could say anything, Pallin's omni-tool buzzed and he stepped outside to take the call.

Meanwhile Velten turned to the assembled C-Sec.

"Thank you for agreeing to this, officers."

There were murmurs, nods, and mandible clics of acknowledgement.

Moments later, Pallin came back in.

"Ma'am." He walked over to Velten. "My Council liaison would like to speak to you for a moment. We can take it in my office."

"Jordan, Roberts would you take the officers down to the dressing room and start getting them in their outfits. Das, Retta, could you go to the docking bay. Garren should be coming in, in about an hour." She paused and hit a few buttons on her omni-tool and the Salarian and the Asari's lit up as a message was received.

"Get him checked into his hotel then bring him down to the shoot." She ordered. With polite nods the two left.

"Executor." She turned to Pallin and they left.

"All right people, follow me." That was Jordan, the shorter of the two. He was actually almost shorter than the two Salarians., which was saying something.

He led them out of the conference room and down to the elevators. Garrus laughed quietly to himself as he and Chellick walked at the end of the group. The man was acting as if they didn't know their way around their own headquarters. From some of the looks going between the other officers they were also amused.

They'd been about to break the group up to get into the smaller elevators when one of the Asari pointed out the bigger one they used for larger species. Krogan, Elcor, Hanar, and the occasional group of drunken soldiers on leave, or drunken mercs on leave.

The human, Robert, guiding them had the grace to be embarrassed as he realized what he'd been trying to do.

They all crowded into the elevator and Roberts sent it down to the correct floor. Used to the elevator's quirks all the C-Sec grabbed hold of the railing to avoid getting knocked off their feet when it stopped.

"Ah, I'd hold onto the railing, gentlemen." Amy warned them. "This elevator handles a little rough."

Warned, the two followed everyone else's examples and when the elevator bounced to a stop – two or three times – no one was sent stumbling into each other.

" _They still haven't calibrated that?" Teskal asked, signaling the bar tender for some prepackaged snacks._

 _"That one is always last to get fixed and first to break down." Garrus reminded him._

 _"True." Teskal handed him a couple of bags of Turian dried meat shavings. Humans called it jerky, which he didn't understand at all; but then there was a lot he didn't understand about humans._

As they got closer to the ' _green room'_ , a barely organized chaos began to make itself known. People, mostly human, were bustling in and out of the room, carrying things or pushing racks of clothing in garment bags.

A couple of private security that he recognized as retired Turian C-Sec saw them approaching and waved them in.

 _"Kelmit and Rasun?" Teskal asked and Garrus gave a clic of agreement. The two older Turians hadn't been able to completely give up on working._

Once inside they moved to the side as people ran all over the place. Garrus saw people dealing with human hair and makeup, touching up Asari facial marks and Turian colony marks, and spraying down Salarian skin so it would stay moist.

He'd thought that Velten was thin but then he saw human models that made her look positively plump. He must have made some sound of disbelief because Amy looked up at him.

"A lot of designers think their clothing designs look better on very tall, very skinny models." She explained to him and Chellick though he caught the Salarians also listening. Apparently the two Asari and Johnson were already aware of this practice.

Garrus nodded, he'd begun to use that habit when he was around the human officers.

The two human assistants sheparded them over to a far corner where someone had put up some privacy curtains and closed off an area. As they passed the models – Human, Turian, Asari, and Salarian – all dressed in robes and being worked on by a swarm of people – he was surprised to see how tall the human models were. Most all of them could easily look he and Chellick in the eyes. The Asari and the Salarians looked normal, at least, to his eyes. The Turian models were actually short and very slender in all the right places.

"Nice waists." Chellick was barely audible; but his sub harmonics were very appreciative.

" _Glad to hear that the boy isn't 'too' infatuated with Sintai." Teskal smirked as he chewed on a piece of dried meat_.

 _"They were quite pretty." Garrus admitted and Teskal laughed at him._

Robert and Jordan motioned them through the curtains into what was obviously going to be a dressing room for them. Given the openness of C-Sec locker rooms this was actually more privacy than they usually got.

Being at the back of the group, Chellick and he almost ran into the others before he realized that they'd come to an abrupt halt .

"What in Spirits na…." He trailed off and stared. Certain that he could literally hear seven sets of jaws drop open in shock; as they were confronted by spikes, and fins, and…and..all in C-Sec blue and black.


	8. Chapter 8 - No, Just No

_Surprise All. No, I haven't disappeared into a back alley on Omega. Just dealing with life and a bit of the downers. But I'm trying to soldier through and give you good chapters. Yes, things are moving slowly here but, never fear, things will go insane in fairly short order. Mwahahahahahahahahaha. I've yet to drive all of one C-Sec station to drink. Ryncol anyone. Thank you for all your favs, follows, and comments. They help immensely when I'm feeling down. You all take care and have a great weekend. Cheers._

* * *

No, Just No

 **Garrus**

There was a moment of stunned silence that stretched into two moments – then three – then…

"Spirits!"

"Goddess!"

"Damn!"

"Impractical!"

Another moment came and went as they took in the ' _uniforms_ ', if that's what they could be called.

"Hey Vakarian is one of you guys auditioning for the part of Sauron in the remake of LoTR?" David piped up.

"Spectres don't wear crap like that. Spirits, you'd hurt yourself just getting into it." Garrus eyed the so-called armor.

"No, Sau - ron, not Sar - en." David enunciated. " He's a figure from earth literature."

"Oh. Still not putting that on."

"I am not that…that…whatever." Chellick said plaintively, waving his hand at the/his armor; spiky, bulky, and downright scary.

"Goddess, I went into C-Sec to avoid wearing outfits like that."

"Is this a photo shoot or are we trying out for bar dancers?"

"Why all those fins on the back. Am from aquatic species but not a fish." Jannz protested.

"Almost looks slimy." His partner was blunter.

"My…" there was a pause. "….front is not that big." Amy sounded stunned.

"I think it looks nice."

"You would, David. Damn, just get me a cape, a horned helmet and a spear and I can play Brunhilde."

"Who's Brunhilde?" Chellick asked, temporarily roused from his shock.

"Figure from an old opera."

"What's an opera?" That was Garrus.

"Er….type of earth musical drama."

"Oh."

"Why the hell is my chest bare?"

"I think it looks nice." Came his partner's sarcastic voice, echoing his earlier comment.

"Damn, that outfit would protect nothing."

"Shows it all off though." There was a snicker from Amy, obviously getting her own back.

"They expect us to wear those…" Felisa, one of the Asari scowled and waved a hand vaguely.

Garrus let the air whistle out past his teeth. "It would seem so."

Just then the curtains parted and Jordan and Robert, who'd stopped outside to deal with a problem, came in.

"Gentlemen…" It was Amy who spoke up. "…who designed these…." She seemed to struggle for a moment to come up with the right word to describe the outfits without resorting to expletives or insulting anyone. "….armors."

Jordan and Robert both preened at that, missing the looks of dismay on various faces. "We did. We just built on the attributes for each race and came up with those. You'll know just by seeing them what race they are, and are for."

"You'll know something." Felisa muttered under her breath, followed by a lot of what Garrus thought were curses.

"Now let's get you in your outfits." Robert said happily, moving towards the officers. They all shared panicked looks– wondering how they were going to get out of this without getting into a shitload of trouble.

"We best wait…" Felisa's partner Nesca blurted out as the two humans started to move. "Executor Pallin should see these – make sure we're…we're not…." She stuttered to a stop trying desperately to come up with an answer.

"The Executor should see these" Garrus exclaimed, rushing to finish her statement. "To make sure we're not exposing any Citadel Security secrets. Research is always working on updates to our gear; and we don't know much of what goes on down there."

There was a lot of vigorous head nodding and mandible clicking from the others.

For a second it looked like Robert and Jordan would complain but then they looked at each other and, with a sigh, nodded to the officers.

"Well….he and Gloria should be along shortly." Jordan sounded a bit miffed. "Relax."

"None of you wander off now." Robert chided them like they were children and the two men slipped outside.

Once their footsteps died away there was a mass exhale of breaths.

"Damn." David let out a whistle that made Garrus and Chellick shake their heads, still unused to this human trait.

"Thank heavens you two…" Amy pointed to Nesca and Garrus, "…are fast on your feet mentally. "

"We still may have to wear those…things." Chellick waved his hand vaguely at the outfits as he collapsed into a chair. "Pallin has to keep the Councilors happy."

"I don't think any of the Councilors would approve of these…costumes." Garrus said.

"Politicians do not follow rules of logic or common sense." Jannz poured himself a glass of water from a nearby table of refreshments.

"Truer words were never spoken." Amy sighed, getting a cup of coffee.

C-Sec officers rarely had such free and easy access to food and drink and they were all quick to take advantage of it.

Before they could get settled, the curtains parted and Pallin stalked in.

"Why are you not getting dressed?" The Executor was not happy to see them standing around.

As one they all pointed to the racks holding their outfits.

Pallin wasn't the most demonstrative of people; but you didn't need to be Turian to hear his trill of dismay when he spotted what was on the racks.

"What in Spirit's name is all this?"

"What somebody…" That was Amy, "…who doesn't know the first thing about C-Sec thinks we ought to be wearing."

"Modified, of course, by what the defining characteristics of each of our races is." She added sarcastically.

Pallin literally stood there, saying nothing. His mandibles moving in and out in shock.

 _"Pallin was actually speechless?" Teskal let out a surprised trill. "Those outfits must have been pretty extreme."_

 _Without a word, Garrus pulled up his omni-tool and displayed a picture of the 'armors'._

 _"Spirits!" This time Teskal spit out a mouthful of booze and start coughing._

 _With a muttered curse the bartender threw a dingy towel at him and motioned to the bar._

 _Trying to clear his throat, Teskal waved in acknowledgement and wiped up his mess._

 _"What happened next?"_

Suddenly the curtains parted again, and Velten walked in, followed by Robert and Jordan.

"Executor, my people tell me that your people want to wait on your approval." She sounded vaguely displeased.

Garrus was positive he wasn't the only one holding his breath. Whether they were going to look like idiots was all up to the Executor now.

Pallin's face had closed down, and he was keeping tight control of his sub harmonics. Even Garrus and Chellick couldn't get a read on what he was thinking.

After a moment he straightened his shoulders and turned to Velten. At that moment he was every inch the Executor of C-Sec, not the somewhat harried man who could and often did make their lives difficult.

"I can't allow my officers to go out in these outfits." He was calm, though his sub harmonics were definitely not happy.

"I remind you that the Council ordered you to go along with us, Executor." Velten might have looked innocuous but she managed to lace that simple sentence with a great deal of menace.

"I am well aware of that fact; but I am also charged with showing C-Sec in the best light." He waved at the armors. "Those, do nothing but make my officers look silly at best or, at worst, almost animalistic. I will not add to the bad feelings that still linger among some humans from the Relay 314 incident."

 _"I'm impressed." Teskal commented. "I expected to hear that he caved to the threat of the Council."_

 _Garrus gave a short trill of agreement. "Sometimes it's easy to forget that Pallin was a high ranking officer in the Hierarchy before he became Executor."_

Velten looked like she was gearing up to use the Council's wishes to get her way when…

"I agree with the Executor." Came a quiet voice


	9. Chapter 9 - Human Customs

_Greetings Good Readers. With this chapter things start to go weird for our intrepid duo. Mwahahahahahahahaha Sorry for the delay and I hope you like this opening salvo so to speak. Thank you to all those who've supported me in one way or another. You make writing more than worth it. Have a great day all and cheers._

* * *

Human Customs

 **Garrus**

Everyone swung around at that, hands going to weapons though they all managed to stop themselves from pulling them. Even Pallin had reached for his pistol – you could never quite take the detective out of the Executor.

A small, slender human male, dressed rather simply, though in expensive fabrics, was standing just inside the curtains. Behind him, Garrus recognized the two assistants that Velten had sent to the docks earlier, behind them were Jordan, Robert, and Velten.

"Designer Garr." Pallin answered Garrus's unspoken question.

"Executor Pallin." The man stepped further inside. "Is there a reason that you're afraid your officers won't represent C-Sec at its best?"

Garr was soft spoken, for a human; and he didn't seem to be angry at Pallin; but he obviously wanted an answer.

Pallin stood for a moment clearly trying to figure out how to phrase his protest; but before he could Garr caught sight of the ' _supposed_ ' C-Sec outfits.

"Velten, what are those…costumes?"

"Those are the C-Sec outfits." Here she grew a little snippy. "The Executor doesn't think they're fitting for his people to wear."

"He's right." Garr barely let her finish. "Jordan, Robert, I told you to design outfits that showcased the attributes of each race. Those…" He indicated the costumes with a sweeping gesture, and a slight frown, "look more like you were basing them off stereotypes."

The two men looked at each other and seemed not to know what to say.

"We will talk about this after the shoot." Garr told them. His voice was firm but there wasn't any real menace in it; and he didn't elaborate on anything. Obviously keeping what was a private matter private.

"What can we do to your officer's armor or uniforms?" Instantly dismissing the matter from his mind, Garr turned to Pallin.

"Do in what way, Designer?" Pallin was confused

"Just call me Narren. I'm assuming we can't cut into any of the uniforms." It was more of a statement than a question.

"No." Pallin paused. "However, if you are looking for something fancier, we do have a dress uniform that we hardly ever wear." Pallin went on as he called up an image on his omni-tool.

The dress uniform was far more severely tailored and predominantly blue with touches of black. An officer's rank, grade, awards, and/or specialties were embroidered in colored and metallic threads on a drape that hung over the shoulders.

Garr looked pleased on seeing that. "That would do nicely if you'll allow your people to wear it."

"Do you want everyone in it?"

"I would like the humans, Asari, and Salarians in them." Garr told him. "I know it's rather stereotypical but would you mind if the Turians stayed in their armor?"

Pallin looked as relieved as Garrus was. He hadn't been looking forward to putting on his dress uniform. It was constricting and it made his neck itch; and he always managed to catch his drape on or in something.

 _"Stupid drapes always get hung up." Teskal muttered and got a clic of agreement from Garrus._

"No that would be perfectly reasonable. I can send Johnson, Timmons, Hass, Polten, T'Harna, and Felisa back to get on their dress uniforms." Pallin told him then turned on Garrus and Chellick. "Vakarian and Chellick can go get their armor cleaned and polished." He paused and eyed them sternly. "Completely cleaned and thoroughly polished."

Garrus was fairly sure that was directed at him. He cleaned his armor; but he didn't expend effort to get it nice and shiny. Shiny on a battlefield, even a back alley one, could get you killed. While he was patrolling the lower wards he wouldn't take any chances. Pallin, however, had never walked the lower wards.

"If your officers can meet us at the tent that would be perfect." Garr went on. "We'll put their makeup on there."

Getting ready to leave, Johnson, Garrus, Chellick, and the two Salarians froze.

"M..makeup?" That was Johnson. "Why do we need makeup."

"You have to match the models so that everyone in the photos looks good." Garr explained cheerfully as he shooed them out of the tent.

With resigned sighs, everyone headed out. Garrus and Chellick going back to C-Sec headquarters and down into the depths of the enormous building where the armory was located. It was noisy on that level as weapons were designed, fabricated, tested, repaired, and disposed of if not repairable. The side corridor where armor assembly, maintenance, and repair was located was quieter though not by much.

There wasn't anybody using the armor cleaning units so Garrus and Chellick stripped down to their under suits, emptied their armor storage chambers and put their suits in to be cleaned and buffed.

Chellick had apparently appropriated a few _Chetes_ and he shared them with Garrus as they waited.

"Do you think we should clean our under suits?" Chellick asked around a mouthful of _Chetes_.

Garrus took in their outfits. "I think we should get new ones."

"I can't afford a new suit." Chellick protested, damn near spitting out his snack.

"We can borrow some of the spare suits and maybe get to keep them if we claim we're doing Council work." Garrus suggested.

"All right; but if Pallin gets mad – I'm blaming you."

While their armor was being detailed they went next door to the spares room, where extra armor from full suits to separate pieces, and spare under suits were kept. Their C-Sec clearance, installed on their omni-tools gained them entry, it also recorded what they had taken. It was the new recruits and independent contractors that had to deal with a live disbursement agent.

It only took them a few moments to find new suits in their sizes and change over.

Garrus actually sighed at the new feel of his suit. There was just something about a new under suit that made one feel good. It was tight in the places it needed to be and loose in the places it should be. Unlike his old suit, which had begun to sag ever so slightly under his armpits; making his armor pieces rub a bit.

By the time they were finished, their armor was also done. Their armor was now clean and very shiny, enough so that it made Garrus slightly uneasy to be wearing it as they quickly got it back on.

From there they made their way up to the garage. They passed through the lobby and Garrus was dismayed to notice that there were still several naked humans, in survival blankets, being escorted in by C-Sec agents. Pallin was not going to like that; and when he didn't like something – he tended to share his displeasure with as many as he could. Putting that to the back of his mind, Garrus and Chellick continued on to the garage. Taking an air car over to the site of the photo shoot at a secondary Presidium lake.

If it had looked busy the day before now it looked like a small riot was going on. A couple of tents of varying sizes had been set up back from the shores of the lake; and people were coming and going.

Pallin hadn't quite ringed the area with officers but it was a near thing. A crowd was already gathered watching. This was probably the most excitement in this area for some time, baring that protest march against humans a couple of years ago. Given the number of humans scurrying around, Garrus was glad that those particular anti-human protestors had been firmly encouraged to leave the Citadel.

Garrus set the sky car down in the parking area that the traffic officer directed them to. As they exited the car, he noticed another C-Sec sky car circling to land, Timmons piloting with Johnson, T'Harna and Felisa as passengers. Knowing Hass and Polten, they were probably somewhere around.

He and Chellick waited for the others. They were all wearing their dress uniforms; but he was amused to see that every one of them was carrying their drapes instead of wearing them. Obviously he wasn't the only one who found those drapes an annoyance.

 _"Anyone with any common sense does." Teskal muttered into his drink._

 _What number this one was, Garrus wasn't totally sure; nor, he slowly realized, did he really care. Thinking of tomorrow, he signaled for a glass of water. He'd still be hung over but maybe it wouldn't be quite so lethal._

They all made their way towards the temporary stairs down to the tents. Things like this had to obviously be temporary or the Keepers would start dismantling them. Jannz and his partner showed up. They acknowledged each other as they all queued up in the line that had formed.

"I hear there are still naked humans being brought in. I thought you talked to the head of this convention about the nudity?" Jannz commented.

"We did." Garrus gave an irritated hum. "It looks like he either didn't hear or wasn't going to hear no matter what."

"I hear that Pallin complained to some of the higher ups." David commented, undoing the collar on his uniform.

"Did that do any good?" Chellick asked, shuffling forward.

"They said they'd get back to him." Amy spoke up.

They all looked at each other, knowing what that meant. Someone would get back to Pallin after the convention was over and the delegates had dispersed.

"Be glad it's only single humans wandering around the Citadel." David told them. "It could be a flash mob of streakers."

"What's a flash mob?" That was Jannz.

"And what are streakers?" Garrus didn't like the sound of that.

"A flash mob is a group of random strangers that answer a anonymous general call at a certain time and in a certain place to do something – be it dancing, or singing, or maybe streaking." Amy told them.

"Streakers are naked humans that run through an area – usually in the middle of some kind of event." David added, chuckling.

Garrus repressed a shudder at the idea of a whole crowd of naked humans racing around the concourse with C-Sec in pursuit.

Jannz's partner had stopped on the stairs and the others almost ran into his back.

"Mosk, will you move." Felisa the Asari growled at him.

Mosk pointed across the way to the park that followed the edge of the lake.

"Like that?"

Their heads all snapped up as the mixed yells of C-Sec to stop, and startled and alarmed cries from passer bys carried across the lake to them. There in the park was a large crowd of, Garrus groaned, very naked humans running for all they were worth; with C-Sec pursuing. A couple of the fleeter officers had caught up with the stragglers but it was obvious that they weren't sure how to catch them. All the easy handles were situated in places you really didn't want to grab on a complete stranger.

 _Teskal snorted again, this time without choking on his drink._

 _"That wasn't the worst of it." Garrus said sourly_

 _"Oh?"_

Garrus had absolutely no desire to go help his fellow officers. He'd already dealt with naked humans, it was somebody else's turn.

Activity down at the tents had ground to a halt as everyone turned to watch the spectacle going on across the lake.

"Pallin is going to have a cow." David whistled.

"What would he do with a prey animal?" Chellick was confused.

"Means he'll be very upset." Amy explained, as Garrus picked up the excited bellows of a couple of distant Krogan.

 _"Oh no!" Teskal exclaimed._

"Oh Goddess!" That was T'Harna looking back further in the park.

"What are you…." Amy trailed off, her mouth open. Suddenly she spotted what T'Harma had seen and she clapped both hands over her eyes. "TMI, TMI, TMI."

"TMI?" Chellick started to ask her when suddenly he let out a startled chirp. Garrus glanced across the lake knowing what he was going to see; and wishing fervently he wasn't going to.

The excited bellows grew louder then resolved itself into taunting as two Krogan came barreling through the park, more C-Sec in pursuit.

They were very large, one grey and one a green color, armed with their standard shotguns; and wearing absolutely nothing else but an ammo bandoleer. They were completely, shockingly naked.

After a long silent moment David spoke up in an awed voice. "I always thought that quad thing was a joke."


	10. Chapter 10 - A Different Level of Crazy

_Salutations All. I hope life is treating you well. Another chapter in my ongoing efforts to drive most of one C-Sec station to drink. Mwahxhahahahahahahahaha I hope you're all enjoying it because I'm having a whale of a time writing it. As always thank you for the favs, the follows, and the comments. They make this all worth it. If I've made a mistake don't hesitate to let me know. Have a wonderful weekend. Cheers._

* * *

A Different Level of Crazy

 **Garrus**

Activity completely ground to a halt as everyone watched the resulting confrontations. Naked humans seemed to be scurrying everywhere, most with, at least, two or three C-Sec in pursuit. There was a lot of racing through the shrubs and planters as the ' _streakers_ ' attempted to avoid capture.

Innocent civilians were desperately getting out of the way, or trying to. The Krogan, obviously more familiar with the Citadel, made a dash for the lower wards. Since an adult Krogan, even a naked one, weighs well over a thousand pounds, everyone got the hell out of the way before they were run down. Though the Krogan did make a point to go around two Elcor who'd paused on the concourse and were trying to process what was happening in their usual, methodical, painfully unhurried way.

The pursuing officers tried; but the two males got down onto the lower floors way ahead of them. Garrus was certain that they'd be hidden by others just to spite the officers. C-Sec was not popular down there.

"Was going to complain about losing work time." Jannz spoke up. "Glad now to be on special assignment."

Everyone agreed, particularly Garrus and Chellick who would, no doubt, have been assigned to chase down the Krogan. He shuddered at that thought. Trying to arrest Krogans was bad enough, trying to arrest naked Krogans. No, he shook his head; his mind just refused to go there.

After a few moments more the rest of the humans either disappeared off into the distance, C-Sec still in pursuit, or were apprehended and the impromptu show ended.

"Pallin's gonna love that." David commented as they started down the stairs again.

Garrus groaned at that. Pallin was already angry at the Committee head of the A.N.I.U. convention, this would just enrage him.

" _Sounds like this Leary deliberately didn't warn his people about Citadel law." Teskal commented._

 _"Someone important was backing this thing, and blocking Pallin." Garrus explained, trying to decide if another drink was a good idea or if he should just stick to water from now on._

 _"Udina?" Teskal about spit the name out. Anyone who'd come in contact with or dealt with the new human ambassador had nothing nice to say about him._

 _"Sounds like him; but this won't make the humans on the Citadel look very good; and that is one of his main goals so maybe not." Garrus mused._

It only took them a short while to get down the stairs and walk over to the tents. They weren't quite sure which one they were supposed to report to; and they came to a stop. Though Garrus noticed David edging towards the fancier of the three tents, from which several female voices were coming.

About then the boys – Jordan and Robert came out of the far tent and seeing them motioned them over, away from what must be the model's dressing tent. David looked like he was going to sneak a peek anyway in the nearer tent; but Amy grabbed hold of his collar and dragged him along. Garrus had already gotten the impression that the man was fond of his females. Much to his partner's irritation. Garrus liked his females also; but Turians, male and female, served together so they learned to put their hormones on lock down during working hours.

 _He just got a very dour, disbelieving look from Teskal when he said that. All right, he admitted privately to himself, there were Turians who didn't put their hormones on lock down; but most did, particularly if they were working for Executor Venari Pallin._

Inside the tent they were directed to different make-up individuals, each in their own little areas. Chellick and he got a small human female, who looked somewhat daunted when confronted by two full-grown adult Turians, armored and with guns.

"Hello Officers." She was very formal. "I'm Ness. I'll be your make up person." Here she paused and after a moment of what Garrus suspected was her thinking. "I'll be honest, I've never done make-up for a Turian – so I don't know what works or doesn't, or what you think is over the line."

Garrus decided that he liked her, not many would be willing to admit ignorance.

"Male Turians don't wear make-up." Garrus told her. "Even females don't tend to do much."

She looked relieved that he hadn't taken offence. "What do you do then?"

"Well, females will buff their facial plates smooth and put a little plate oil on to give it a healthy sheen."

"They also brighten their colony marks." Chellick spoke up, indicating his.

"A high tiered female may darken the area around her eyes, and maybe blend in a touch of color there – usually her colony color."

"Really noticeable or just a hint of color around the eyes?" Ness caught on quickly.

"Usually just a hint." Garrus told her.

"So, I'm supposed to make you two look tough. How do you suggest I do that?"

That stumped both Garrus and Chellick. They weren't used to trying to look tough, they just were.

"I certainly can't use stubble on you."

"Stubble?" Chellick queried.

"A day's growth of beard. "Ness explained. "Tough guy humans are often portrayed as a bit unshaven."

Garrus knew about beards. He thought them weird; and having to shave every day seemed an enormous waste of time; but going unshaven for one day made one tough? Humans, the more he learned, the more he thought they were majorly odd.

"No." Chellick commented, unconsciously rubbing his chin. "No stubble."

"Dirtying up your facial plates?" Ness suggested.

"Not really. Pallin, our boss, would probably not like that." Garrus told her. His father probably wouldn't either. Then he had an idea. "Roughing up our plates might work though."

"Roughing up?"

"Yes, right now our plates are somewhat smooth from showers and personal care. A Turian who's been busy being a ' _tough guy'_ , as you say, would probably not have time for that."

"Er, how do I do that? I don't want to hurt you guys."

"I think you could use a fine grit sandpaper." Garrus knew about that from gun cleaning sessions he'd been involved in with humans.

"It won't hurt you?" Ness had started digging through a huge kit that held lots of make up and all sorts of other odd things.

"No."

Ness finally found what she was looking for and pulled out a somewhat battered piece of sandpaper. From what Garrus could see, it was indeed, fine grit.

"You want me to do it, or would you prefer to do it yourselves since it is your facial plates and near your eyes?" Ness asked while cutting the sandpaper down into long, wide strips.

Garrus and Chellick looked at each other for a second.

"We can do the front of our faces, if you don't mind dealing with our fringes."

"Sure. How about you start while I work on…" She suddenly looked embarrassed. "Sorry, I didn't think to get your names."

"I'm Garrus and he's Chellick." Garrus introduced them. "I'll start and you can work on Chellick here."

Chellick shot him a look and Garrus could tell he wasn't happy about being the first one she was working on.

"You're going to have to sit in the chair, Officer Chellick. You're just too tall for me otherwise." She indicated a chair with a lifting apparatus on the bottom.

Chellick took off his gun and gingerly, this chair was designed for humans after all, sat down in the chair. She went to put a plastic sheet around his neck and he stopped her.

"What's this?"

"It's a makeup cape, it will just keep the dust off your neck and out of your armor." She explained, but waited until he'd thought it over and settled back down again.

Garrus had grabbed one of the sandpaper strips and winding it around his finger started sanding his facial plates. Ness paused and came over to watch him for a moment.

"How much pressure are you using?"

"Not a lot." Then he realized that she had no frame of reference for the level of strength he was using. He motioned her over and after sitting down, she was really very short, started rubbing the sandpaper against his cheek plates. As if realizing what he had in mind, she came over and very hesitantly put her finger over his to see what he was doing.

"That's right." He went slowly so she could pick it up. "Notice the color of the plates when I sand it. That's what you want to see."

She watched and felt a moment more and then with a nod went back to Chellick and started on his fringe. It took her a moment or two to get used to how much strength she needed to use and then she had it. Gently but firmly she began roughing up Chellick's fringe.

From the way Chellick relaxed, Garrus could tell she was doing a good job of it. Then she shifted her hand to brace his fringe and Chellick gave a startled chirp, and near came out of the chair.

 _"Found the sensitive spot did she?" Teskal chuckled._

"Oh." She jumped back. "I didn't mean to hurt you officer."

Garrus watched with some amusement as Chellick's mandibles worked in and out nervously, and he fidgeted on his feet. Obviously somewhat embarrassed and unsure of what to say.

"Ness, you didn't hurt him. The area under our fringes is..a.. well…a..rather…a..sensitive area." Garrus explained delicately.

"Sensitive?" Then she got it and went bright red. For a moment Garrus was concerned then he realized that she was doing that blushing thing that humans did when embarrassed.

"I'm so sorry, Officer Chellick. I wasn't trying to make a pass or anything. I didn't know." She stammered. "Honest, I'm really, really, really sorry."

"It's all right, Ness." Chellick had recovered, particularly after realizing it had been an accident. "I know you didn't mean anything by it."

"Yeah, but it doesn't make it any less rude." She muttered under her breath. Chellick settled back down and she hesitantly approached him again. For a moment she studied him, trying to figure out how best to proceed without touching the wrong area.

After a moment, she figured it out and went back to work.

She was so thorough and gentle that Chellick damn near fell asleep in the chair much to Garrus's amusement.

He'd finished his face and was just waiting for her to be done with Chellick. While he was waiting he pulled his sniper free of his back and put it to the side. The sound of a weapon being unlocked woke Chellick up.

"Garrus, what?"

"Just shifting my sniper. I doubt I can sit in the chair comfortably otherwise."

"Oh."

About then Ness finished. Taking a wet wipe she carefully removed any dust from Chellick's fringe.

She removed the plastic cape. "There you go officer – sorry again about earlier."

"It's fine, no harm done." Chellick assured her as he got up.

"There's a refreshment table in the far corner." She pointed across the tent where the Salarians and one of the Asari were congregating. "I think it's set up for everybody."

Chellick gave a mandible clic of agreement and headed over there, as Garrus carefully set down in the chair, after putting his sniper on a nearby table within easy reach.

"That's a big gun!" Ness sounded awed.

"Sniper's have to be big to handle the power needed to send a shot that far out." Garrus explained as she put the cape around his neck. Ness nodded as she gently tightened the cape.

"I wonder what else we can do to make you look tough?" She began to very carefully sand down his fringe. Being ultra cautious about getting anywhere near the area up under his fringe. "Maybe grunge up your armor."

After a moment, Garrus let out a chirp at that, startling her.

"What?"

"The Executor just had us clean and polish our armor." He said dryly and she let out a small chuckle.

"Oh. So forget that idea then?"

"No, we're supposed to do whatever you need us to, within reason."

Ness eyed him. "Why do I get the feeling you don't much care if your armor is grungy?"

"Because I don't." He smiled at her; and from her reaction she did know what he was doing.

"Well, I can't do what I'd normally do and rub some clear jelly on there and then dust it down with fuller's earth. They'd fire me in an instant for getting anything that might rub off anywhere near these outfits. The cheapest one is worth several thousand credits."

Chellick had just come back from the refreshment table with a cup of _Khaal_ and some sort of dextro pastry and he let out a startled chirp at that. "Several thousand and that's the cheap one?"

"Yeah, and a couple are worth over ten thousand credits each."

"Spirits." Garrus exclaimed. "And they're working near the water."

 _"I wouldn't do it." Teskal spoke up._

"Yes, well, they were assured that the lake is always still and there's no waterfall nearby." After dusting him off, she took a wipe and carefully cleaned up Garrus's fringe. He admired her thoroughness and thoughtfulness. Having armor full of plate dust didn't appeal to him.

"There you're all done." She removed the cape. "I think if I use a setting spray and hit it with fuller's earth before it dries we can make you look ' _lived in'_ without risking the outfits."

"Whatever you need us to do." Garrus stood up, grabbing his sniper and reattaching it.

"I hope you guys brought something to read or games to play." Ness commented as she dug in her giant box of things again.

"Why?" Chellick asked through a mouthful of pastry.

"I hope you left something." Garrus chided him and got a rude sub harmonic in response.

"It's going to be a whole day of ' _hurry up and wait'_ "

"Hurry up and wait?"

"They'll want you ready right now…" As if making a point, Jordan started yelling for everybody to meet in front of the tent in five minutes. "…but it's gonna take hours to get the poses just right. So, ' _hurry up and wait.'_ "

"By the Spirits." Chellick spoke up. "I think I'd sooner be chasing down naked humans."

Ness had retrieved a spray can and what looked like a spice shaker from her box.

"Yeah, what's up with that?" She asked as she checked the spray and the dust.

"Some sort of weird convention." Garrus explained. "Where are you going to put that?"

"What areas would you tend to get your armor dirty or scuffed, while working?" She asked. "I want you two to look accurate."

"Outside of my arms and the shoulder where I brace my sniper." Garrus told her.

"I use a shotgun so my chest armor gets dirty, and more on the inside of my arms." Chellick spoke up as she started on Garrus.

 _Teskal chuckled. "After all that, you could have stayed unpolished."_

 _"Yes, well, no one exactly told Pallin what they wanted us to look like."_

 _"Was it really a 'hurry up and wait' situation?"_

 _Garrus groaned. "You have no idea. If Garr wasn't completely happy with a shot, we'd be rearranged a dozen times. Then he'd be happy but the photographer would get some wild idea and we'd have to reposition again; and then with the Citadel light cycle they'd have to reset the lights." He snorted. "David fell in the lake twice because they had him positioned about ten feet out on a rock."_

 _"Ugh, and in his dress uniform."_

" _Yeah, he wasn't very happy and because he was in the background and we were in the middle of setting up a shot they wouldn't let him go get dry." Garrus explained._

 _Peripherally he could hear that the level of sound in the bar was pretty high so he figured that Day Shift was still sober enough to be conscious. And he didn't hear the sounds of disagreement – so he hoped that everything would stay calm. He doubted it but he could hope._

 _"How were the ladies?" Teskal was smirking. "I'm sure they must have been quite beautiful. Models usually are."_

 _Garrus sighed, debating another drink. "I hate to speak ill of my race but I could have had a more intelligent conversation with a pyjak."_

 _"Oh."_

 _"Yeah. Amy called most of the models – vapid. Apt term. There was a lot of air space under those ornate hats or headpieces or whatever they were wearing. About the only thing good was the refreshment's they'd set out, beat the C-Sec cafeteria."_

Lunch, when they finally called it, was a fairly lush affair. The models, Garr, the photographer; and what Garrus would have termed the upper tier of people at the shoot had what he recognized as some of the best around. The second and third tiers like himself, the other officers, and some of crew got lesser refreshments; but not by much. There was limited alcohol but only for the upper tier. He was fine with that. They had him posing, looking heroic no less, near the lake edge and he really didn't want to fall in.

 _"Ugh, wet under suits never a good thing." Teskal mumbled; and Garrus wondered if the alcohol was actually getting to him. Man could drink a Krogan into a coma._

They'd gotten back from lunch and were getting into their next poses. Garrus and Chellick were both back down by the lake, though Chellick was further down with another group. Ness had checked them out and other than a minor reapplication of some ' _grunge_ ' they were fine.

He'd heard that they were on the last shots of the day. Thank the Spirits, he'd had enough of high fashion. Ness had had it right. 'Hurry up and wait…and wait…and wait..and wait some more.'

When he saw the models – a human and a Turian being delicately helped to make their way towards the lake shore, he realized that she'd had that right also. The dresses they were wearing were gauzy things; but the collars and shoulders were heavily embellished with metallic thread, gems, and jewels that he recognized as being real. That meant that there were several thousand credits on each wisp of a dress; and that didn't include the hours of work that went into creating them, nor in the designer's name attached to it.

While he was standing by the lake's edge, waiting for the model to get over to him, in this case the Turian, he very faintly heard a splash. That kind of puzzled him, even moreso when the surface of the lake rippled. There was no wind or currents to cause such a phenomena.

With one eye on the approaching model and the photographer's assistant, he turned to look down the length of the lake. As he did, he caught sight of something he didn't recognize. Some sort of pale ball seemed to be dropping into the lake way down near the bridge. The water fountained upwards as whatever it was hit the surface. Well that explained the ripples though it didn't explain what was going on.

"What are you looking at, Vakarian?" That was Timmons who was making her way over towards him. They wanted one C-Sec in armor and one in a uniform for this shot – for whatever reason. He'd given up trying to understand what was going on.

 _"Art." Teskal snickered. "Hard to explain sometimes."_

"I'm not sure." He admitted. "Never seen anything like it." He pointed down towards the bridge. About then another pale ball launched off a viewing platform at the side of the lake. As it did, he realized that it was actually a human. Naked, of course. The human, male he thought, curled up into a ball and hit the water with an enormous splash that he could hear all the way back here. Once again, water fountained up into the sky.

"What in Spirit's name are they doing?"

Timmons got to his side in time to watch yet another human dive into the water. Now, he could see several C-Sec, desperately trying to get the humans to stop. But they were all Turians and no Turian was going to willingly dive into the water. Rules or no.

"Oh hell, they're doing cannon balls." She groaned.

"Cannon balls?"

"Yeah, you take a running dive at the water, curl into a ball, and try to make the biggest splash that you can." She explained as yet another human hit the water.

Garrus just looked at her. Humans just kept getting weirder the more he learned about them.

By now, the lake was constantly rippling from the many cannon ball dives. But it wasn't so bad that they'd have to worry about the models getting wet.

Both he and Timmons were turning to the model and her escort when he heard the pounding thuds of Krogan feet from up above. Also the somewhat hoarse cries of C-Sec to stop.

"Looks like the Krogan are back." Amy chuckled, glancing over her shoulder. Whatever she saw made her stop dead and go white.

"Aw shit."

Garrus turned in time to see one of the Krogan launch himself from the viewing platform directly across from the shoot.

"Maw Egg." Came the bellow as the Krogan rolled himself into a ball.

Realizing that when the Krogan hit the water it was going to swamp the entire shooting site, Garrus lunged up the bank, Amy at his side.

"T'Harna, Felisa – shields." It was his turn to bellow. Hoping they were close enough to, at least, protect the more expensive dresses.

The Krogan hit the water with a resounding boom and what looked like half the lake fountained into the air and headed for them.

He picked up the Turian model, who shrieked, and raced for the shield he could see the two Asari were putting up. Ignoring the assistant, the other crewmembers, and his fellow C-Sec. Instinctively he knew that the dresses had to be protected.

Following his lead, Amy had swept the human model up over her shoulder and was right on his heels.

They dove through the shields, thank the Spirits the Asari had held it open long enough for them to get through; and it snapped tight behind them. Seconds later the shield shuddered as a wall of lake water hit it. For a second he thought it wouldn't hold; but it did.

For several moments, water, gear, and people washed up against the shield, and past it. He winced as he saw Chellick go sailing by, struggling to stay afloat.

He finally remembered to put the model down as the water stopped smashing into the outside of the shield; and began to run off it and pool on the ground in places. She called him several rude things in her sub harmonics and stalked off. The human model wasn't far behind.

"And…" Amy wheezed from his side. "…you're welcome."

The main tent had taken a serious hit as had the refreshment tent. He hoped Ness was okay. Gear had been washed all over the place and people too. Some had managed to get to safety. Others had taken the full force of the wall of water. David was on his back, legs up against the shield from where he'd been slammed into it. Garrus was concerned but then saw him cough and slowly roll over onto his side.

"Is it done?" That was Felisa.

"I think so." Garrus said.

The two Asari dropped the shield. A little water flowed in; but nothing major.

As they surveyed the damage and listened to the rising tide of upset voices.

"Note to self…" Amy spoke up. "DO NOT teach Krogan how to cannon ball."


	11. Chapter 11 - Flotsam

_Greetings All. Wishing everyone a good weekend. Still having a wonderful time torturing C-Sec. I had debated having cannon balling Volus; but decided that that might be a bit more messy (they are under pressure after all) than I wanted. However the though of little inflated Volus floating around the lake is hysterical. I know, I'm ebul. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. As always thank you for the favs, the follows, and the comments. They make my day. If you see a mistake let me know, I'm not perfect. Cheers, Fran_

* * *

Flotsam

 **Garrus**

"Felisa, T'Harna you'd better see about that Krogan." Garrus ordered. Even though they were senior officers they saw the wisdom of his order and went.

The two Asari headed for the lake where he could just make out the Krogan wading ashore. He watched for a moment, in case they needed help; but the Krogan didn't resist being taken into custody. In fact, to his surprise, the Krogan was actually acting a bit stunned. Amy was standing next to him also watching.

"Bet he did a belly flop not a cannon ball." She murmured and he glanced down at her.

"Belly flop?"

"Means he came down on the water completely flat." She slapped her two hands together in demonstration. "Trust me – it hurts like crazy, and can rattle your brains."

"Ah." He sighed. " I best go find Chellick."

"And I'll go see to Johnson." With that Amy headed for her partner who was trying to struggle to his feet, but kept slipping in the mud and landing face first.

Garrus went out the back of the tent. The two Asari had wisely shielded the entire makeup tent; otherwise he was sure it would have been brought down around their heads.

He followed the easily discernable path that the water had smashed down into a small green area. Along the way he found chairs, make up cases, lights, odds and ends of clothing and other personal things, and even a garment bag with some accessories – amazingly undamaged and relatively dry. Looking around, he hung it carefully off a nearby tree for someone to later retrieve. Then the sounds of breaking branches and flanged cursing drew him off to the side. He kept following the path of destruction to finally find Chellick, along with various bits and pieces of the shoot, hung up in some branches, struggling to get free; and cursing loudly in both his audible and sub harmonic frequencies. Garrus was impressed at his vehemence and range, normally the younger man didn't curse much.

"Chellick." He called out to his partner as he walked up. Given the level of Chellick's frustration, he figured he better identify himself to avoid getting shot.

"Garrus." Chellick was over joyed to see him. "Help me get out of this Spirit's cursed plant"

Between the two of them they managed to get Chellick free without doing too much more damage to the shrubbery. The powers that be could be very protective of things on the Citadel and Garrus didn't need his salary being docked to replace trees and shrubs.

When Chellick finally got free, he stood for a moment as water drained out of his armor. He looked rather like a Turian shaped fountain. He even undid his chest piece and codpiece to let out more water. Bending over he unclasped his boots and stepped out of them so he could upend them and get rid of the water they'd collected.

"What in Spirit's name happened?" Chellick asked as he was emptying out his gloves. "I'm standing there waiting on the photographer and the next thing I know I'm hit by a wall of water."

"Cannon ball."

"Cannon what?"

"Some sort of human water dive." Chellick shuddered at that. Turians and water were not a good combination. "You run at the water, curl up into a ball and dive in. Trying to splash as much water out as possible."

"No human could possibly have splashed out that much water, unless they dumped a couple of air cars in there at the same time." Chellick snorted as he put his boots back on.

"No." Garrus sighed. "Somebody taught the Krogans."

Chellick glanced up, alarmed, obviously envisioning a mob of cannon balling Krogans. "All of them?"

"No, so far just seems to be one of the two streakers from earlier."

"Thank the Spirits." Having finished putting his armor back on, then Chellick took in Garrus's dry state. "How come you didn't get wet?" He sounded irritated.

"Felisa and T'Harna." He said by way of explanation and Chellick gave a mandible click of acknowledgement.

"Better go back and see how everyone is." Chellick said, walking up beside Garrus. Despite emptying out his armor, Garrus could still see water oozing from various joints and he could hear Chellick's under suit squishing as he moved.

" _Like I said – wet under suits are miserable." Teskal spoke up. "Spent the first part of one deployment soaking wet. My plates damn near rotted off."_

 _Garrus agreed._

As the two were walking back towards the main part of the shoot.

"I hope somebody arrested the Krogan?" Chellick exclaimed, obviously still upset about everything.

Garrus started to answer him when there were a number of startled shrieks from ahead.

Instantly the two C-Sec swung into action, pulling their pistols and racing towards the disturbance.

They got there to find the rest of their fellow officers in various states of dry, wet, and rather muddy; but all of them had arrived armed and ready to defend.

What they also found was the Krogan, still somewhat stunned and under the Asari's control, and still very naked, though his bandoleer had slipped down and was covering some things. Trying to avert their eyes was a small group of models and crew that from their earlier shrieks and shocked gasps had obviously NEVER seen any portion of a naked Krogan.

Garrus grabbed a nearby wet towel, hoping it would be big enough, and tossed it to Felisa. With a fast nod of thanks she tossed it over the Krogan's salient portions.

"It's damp." Came the grumble.

"So are you." Felisa pointed out sarcastically.

About then, reinforcements in the person of several C-Sec cars arrived. Patrol cars, engineer's vans, and a transport wagon. Garrus was glad to see the engineers because the stairs had been knocked apart by the wave and there was now no way to walk back up to the parking level. An ambulance from Huerta followed them in. The first one down opened and, of course, Pallin stepped out, followed by other officers. Garrus was surprised not to see his father; but it was still early. The head of the Citadel's engineering forces for this sector stepped out right behind Pallin.

"Harsat, get those stairs either fixed or torn down before the Keepers get involved." Pallin ordered. Ah yes, the Keepers. The Citadel's enigmatic insect like cleaners/maintenance creatures. Their goals were oft times opposed to what the other inhabitants of the Citadel wanted. With a click of agreement the Engineer strode off to quickly get his people working.

"T'Harna?" Pallin yelled for the most senior of the officers present.

"Yes sir."

"What in Spirit's name happened here? We're getting reports of destruction and people being swept into the water by an unnatural wave all up and down this section of the lake."

Everybody looked to Amy and David.

"Johnson, Timmons?" Pallin was puzzled.

"Seems Kezet here." She pointed to the Krogan who was finally beginning to recover his surly. "Saw some of the humans doing cannon balls and decided that it would be fun to imitate them."

"What is a cannon ball?" Pallin was puzzled.

"It's a dive humans do into water." She explained. All the Turians, C-Sec, models, and crew included, shuddered at that. "You run at the water, curl into a ball, and try to splash out as much water as you can when you land."

Pallin looked like he thought she was insane. The human fondness for willingly diving into water deeper than their own height tended to bewilder Turians.

About then Garr limped up, using Velten to support himself. Jordan and Robert, and several other crewmembers behind him. Garrus could see the photographer and his people moving around in the background, obviously trying to find/recover all their gear. He wished them luck – he'd seen light units, reflectors, and other paraphernalia caught up in trees, stuck in shrubs, or near buried in flowerbeds.

"Designer Garr, are you alright?" Only the Turians could hear the spike of anxiety in Pallin's voice.

Garr nodded with a crooked smile. "Wet and a little battered but still standing."

"I'm sorry, but something like this has never occurred before." Pallin exclaimed.

"Shit happens." With a relieved sigh, Garr sat down in a collapsible chair that someone had found for him. "Your officers went above and beyond and protected as many of my dresses and the models as they could."

Despite his concern, Pallin was very pleased with that.

"Officers Timmons and Vakarian in particular managed to protect the two most expensive dresses in my collection." Garr went on. "..and the models wearing them."

Garrus wished his father could hear that; for once a compliment not a reprimand from the Executor.

"Citadel Security has some of the best." Pallin stated proudly; then he noticed a couple of the paramedics making their way over to the group.

"Is anyone hurt?"

Garr looked to Velten in question. "We've a few bruises, scrapes and cuts." She told them. "But I think a couple of the models might have broken bones – they got slammed into the trees pretty hard."

Easily overhearing, the paramedics jogged up and Velten led them off towards the remains of the big tent and the rest of the rather pitiful and soggy looking group gathered there.

"The rest of you, if you aren't injured, help collect everything you can find." Pallin ordered. "If we don't start cleaning up the Keepers will do it for us."

Everybody scattered, eager to be both out of sight of Pallin and to forestall the Keepers getting involved. The insect creatures tended to be rather single minded when it came to keeping the Citadel clean; and you didn't want to get into a tug of war with them about anything. They tended to win.

"I've never seen a Keeper." Garr commented to Pallin.

" _He wouldn't be so eager if he'd every interacted with one." Teskal commented sourly_. _Every C-Sec had had an encounter with a Keeper, most of them problematic_.

"I'm surprised they haven't come around to check out your shoot." Pallin told the designer as Garrus and Chellick helped the two Asari get the Krogan up and moving.

By now the Krogan had mostly recovered and he was starting to get belligerent again, or as belligerent as someone who was naked could be. His nakedness didn't seem to bother him; at least not the way it did the others around him, who were averting their eyes or decidedly looking elsewhere. One of the Asari had found a length of tarp and wrapped it around his middle to keep things under wraps and stop shocking the civilians.

 _Teskal snorted at that._

The transport wagon had set down right next to the ambulance where the paramedics were treating then loading several of the models and the photographer's assistants. From the looks of the temporary splints, there were a number of broken arms and at least one broken leg.

The models were moving slowly and were obviously nervous of the Krogan. Garrus could have told them that that was not the way to act/react. Krogan appreciated strength, real or feigned, distaining fear and uncertainty as a weakness.

Kezet was being uncharacteristically quiet; and Garrus should have, all of them should have realized that he was up to something. Krogan were rarely ever quiet in custody. As they went to load him into the wagon, he stood up, stretched, and with an evil grin and eviler chuckle managed to pull the tarp off to reveal the rather impressive whole of his manhood.

Garrus grimaced as there were several shrieks, screams, gasps, and at least one thud as someone fainted.


	12. Chapter 12 - Try Again

_Salutations Good Reader. Yet another chapter in my ongoing efforts to drive some of C-Sec's best crazy. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Hope you're still reading and enjoying. Thank you for all your kindnesses, you make this very worthwhile. Cheers._

* * *

Try Again

 **Garrus**

Felisa, biotically, damn near hurled the Krogan through the wall of the transport wagon she was so mad. Didn't bother Kezet a bit, if the gravelly chuckles from the back of the wagon were anything to go by. The paramedics now had to deal with the highly shocked shooting crew and models on top of fixing their broken bones, strains and sprains.

"Someone call out the gardeners." That was Mosk, Jannz's partner. The two Salarians had gone down to the lakeshore to help pick up things.

Garrus turned to see what he was talking about, then noticed several small black objects bobbing around in the lake. Then he realized that the small black objects were not only moving but seemed to have arms that were ineffectively splashing around, spinning them in circles.

"What in Spirit's name?" Chellick came up to stand beside him.

Johnson snorted. "Volus." He started laughing insanely.

Garrus realized he was right. The little black objects were several Volus that must have been swept into the lake by the wave. Obviously their pressure suits were water tight; but they appeared to be even worse swimmers than the Turians as they spun and bobbed around, arms wind milling as they struggled to get to shore.

"Felisa, can you handle getting the Krogan to lock up?" Pallin had also noticed the Volus.

"Yes, sir." She slammed the door of the transport hard enough to rock the vehicle. Kezet only broke into laughter at that.

"Get him back to lock up. T'Harna, get an air car and help get those Volus to shore before their suits suffer a catastrophic failure and they drown." He didn't need to mention that a catastrophic failure of a Volus's suit would be hideously messy. They all knew that.

"Sir." T'Harna was heading for the various air cars when there was a further shout from Mosk and Jannz. Out by the Volus a large pink bubble had appeared in the water, sailing towards them. Garrus suddenly realized that it was a Hanar. Barely slowing down the Hanar reached out with its tentacles and grabbed onto the Volus then it swam sedately towards shore.

The Volus struggled for a moment then realized they were being rescued and relaxed, allowing themselves to be towed, bobbing in the water like fishing floats.

In moments the Hanar delivered the Volus to the waiting C-Sec.

"Thank you." Pallin told the Hanar, a bit unsure about this. Hanar were usually just an annoyance not lifesavers.

 _"First I've heard of a Hanar getting involved like that." Teskal observed sounding disgustingly sober for the amount of alcohol he'd taken in._

"The Entkindlers say that we must help each other." The Hanar intoned and then it was sailing majestically back across the lake before anyone could say or do more.

"Looks like a big pink Portuguese Man O'War.' David commented. At Garrus's questioning look.

"An earth sea creature."

The somewhat dizzy Volus were wrapped in towels and handed over to the Paramedics. Who'd already called in a second ambulance, one with the capability to handle all kinds of aliens. All ambulances could, but some had been retrofitted to deal more completely with races like the Volus.

"Vakarian, Chellick, Timmons, and Johnson." Pallin suddenly yelled.

Everyone left off what they were doing and assembled in front of the Executor.

What he got was two dry, one wet, and one very muddy C-Sec.

"Vakarian and Timmons with me. Chellick and Johnson go back to C-Sec and get presentable." Came the irritated order.

With nods and clicks of agreement, everybody moved.

Timmons and Garrus settled into the air car that Pallin had commandeered. Garrus noticed that it was the oldest one that everyone tried to avoid; but someone always got stuck with. He wondered if using it for target practice would permanently take it out of circulation. Or better yet - ordinance practice.

He put on his seat belt and cinched it tight. Seeing him do that, Timmons followed suit as Pallin climbed into the car. After a moment of familiarizing himself with the controls, they lifted off. With only a few rattles and bangs from the ancient engine.

 _"Somebody actually was using car 313, I thought we'd sent her to the scrap heap last year?"_

 _"Everytime we do – somebody resurrects her – or tries." Garrus growled._

"Where are we going, sir?" Timmons asked shyly. Obviously not used to being in such close quarters with the Executor. Garrus envied her that distinction.

"To the Masoti Convention Center. I'm going to talk to this Leary myself." Pallin growled.

"Chellick and I did talk to him, sir." Garrus felt compelled to speak up, defending himself and his partner.

"I believe you, Vakarian." Pallin dipped to avoid a slow moving cargo lorry that was in the wrong lanes. "But it seems like your rank didn't carry enough weight with this Leary person."

" _I'm impressed, Pallin doesn't usually get personally involved unless one of the Councilors asks him to." Teskal said. Garrus gave a click of acknowledgement._

The rest of the trip was made in silence. Timmons unsure of what they were going into. Garrus very uncertain of what they'd find. He only hoped that Mrs. Spaller had managed to do something to protect the children. Pallin concentrating on piloting the ancient sky car and keeping it in the air.

Not quick enough for Garrus, they landed at the convention center. As before the Parking V.I. directed them to the parking spots for official vehicles.

They all exited the vehicle. Garrus breathing a quiet sigh of relief that they'd gotten there in one piece.

Garrus, who knew the way, led them to the elevator that would take them up to the convention level.

As before they only saw a few people, dressed, walking around outside the venue. However, once the elevator let them out at the right level, everyone came to a dead halt.

Unlike the day before, now most everyone was wearing next to nothing, not even purses or bags to cover the salient areas. Garrus almost felt over dressed in his armor.

"By the Spirits." Pallin breathed out, wavering between anger and disbelief.

Garrus suppressed a groan and Timmons looked to be in shock.

"Timmons, is nudity a contagious condition among humans?" Pallin suddenly demanded. "Because I'm about ready to quarantine this place."


	13. Chapter 13 - Executive Decree

_Greetings All. Still working on this story. A little bit of down time while I figure out what to torture C-Sec with next. Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha. I be ebul, I be. Many thanks for those still following this story. You make it all worth it. To those who happen upon it while browsing. Enjoy. To borrow a quote - He who laughs, lasts._ _To those who've faved or are following, or have commented. You people rock. Have a great weekend all. Cheers._

* * *

Executive Decree

 **Garrus**

"Er, no sir. It's not contagious." Timmons studiously avoided looking at the very naked people walking past her. "Most people just think it's weird."

"Most people would be correct." Pallin grumbled. Garrus wasn't sure that Timmons could hear him; and he wasn't sure how much of their sub harmonics she could pick up if she could. Working around humans he was beginning to learn that their level of hearing could vary wildly. Some, most particularly the young ones, could pick up a lot more of their sub harmonics then say the older ones.

Timmons should be able to pick up a few of the higher sub harmonics. Whether she understood them or not was another thing.

"Let's locate this Leary and put an end to this madness." Pallin growled.

That turned out to be easier said than done. No one had seen Leary lately – or so they said. Or if they had – it was several hours ago and he'd been leaving the convention center.

It soon became obvious the Leary was avoiding them. Some of the people, mainly convention workers probably knew exactly where he was, but they all claimed innocence when pressed. And Pallin and company could only press them so hard. They weren't doing anything wrong, that they knew of at this moment. The attendees were a mixed bag. Some truly unaware but some, from their looks, were probably very aware of where he was.

They had gathered over in a corner to regroup, and allow Pallin a few moments to regain his equilibrium, and Garrus overheard a couple of delegates talking about how C-Sec was ' _persecuting_ ' Leary.

" _He must really have been frustrated to come close to losing his control." Teskal commented. "One of the basic reason's he got the position is because he's so even tempered."_

 _"Dealing with that situation would have driven an Elcor to frustration." Garrus told him. Absently wondering why there were so many empty glasses in front of him, now. If those were all his, tomorrow's headache had moved out of the fierce stage and into the lethal category. He shuddered inwardly._

"Of course this Leary would think we're persecuting him, and make us out the bullies." Timmons growled under her breath.

"You heard that exchange?" If she had, Garrus was really going to have to revise his estimate of human hearing.

"Just the word persecuting and given that they were glaring at us I figured we were being made to look like the bad guys." She admitted. She'd long since carefully folded her rank drape and put it safely away in her belt pouch.

"Logical." That was Pallin and she preened slightly at his compliment.

"At least I haven't seen any kids." Garrus had been keeping a close watch; but he hadn't even really heard any children.

"Children! They had children running around unclothed?" Pallin spun to face him, sounding as upset as Garrus had been earlier. Garrus was surprised until he remembered that his father had been on a raid and Pallin had been a booking officer back when both the elder Vakarian and Pallin were just simple officers. It had been one of the largest slave operations to be broken on the Citadel to date. Though he loved to talk about past cases, Castis said almost nothing about the specifics of that one; but after dealing with slavers down in Zakera ward, he was sure he knew exactly why his father was silent. Some horrors shouldn't be shared with anyone, least of all family.

"Where do you think they are?" Timmons asked.

"I haven't a clue, though obviously they aren't on this level. Thank the Spirits." Garrus told her. After a moment of thinking she went over to an older couple, more covered than the rest of the attendees.

She spoke to them quietly and from what he could pick up of her tone, respectfully, for a few moments.

"What is Timmons doing?" Pallin stepped up beside him, watching the human, his head tilted in puzzlement.

"I'm not sure sir."

At that moment she excused herself from the older couple and came back.

"The kids are gathered in a meeting room on the third level." Timmons told them.

Pallin reviewed mentally what he knew of the convention venue.

"That floor has far few exits and no direct way out to the concourse." He said as they grabbed an elevator.

"Smart." Garrus remarked. "Easier to protect the kids."

They got off at the third level and now he could hear the kids, yelling and screaming happily. He also thought he heard splashing – no doubt there was a fountain somewhere in the area. A good, if damp, way to keep the kids entertained and in one spot.

They made their way in the direction of the noise and found their entry into the large convention room blocked by an older human wearing a convention center security guard's outfit.

"No entry without convention badges." He wasn't officious but he also wasn't just a civilian hired for the job. Garrus recognized the touches of military discipline on the man – from a shorter haircut to equipment that was snugged down and discrete.

"I'm C-Sec Executor Pallin." Palin returned, meeting the man's stare. The guard was not impressed.

"I will need to see proof of ID, Executor." Just the way he said it, it was obvious that he didn't believe Pallin.

Realizing that the situation was about the get nasty and possibly loud, Garrus was relieved when he spotted Mrs. Spaller inside the room.

"Mrs. Spaller." He called, raising his voices to be heard over the ambient noise of the convention, though this level was far quieter than the main level.

Hearing him, she glanced around and realizing who it was quickly made her way outside.

"Officer Vakarian, what brings you back?" She was undressed, again, but had a survival blanket wrapped around her waist that she quickly pulled up to create a simple cover-up when she noticed Pallin and Timmons.

"Murphy, I will vouch for this man and his associates." She turned to the guard who still looked dubious; but at her assurance, he nodded and left. Garrus admired his professionalism – he accepted her word and didn't feel the need to threaten them to behave.

"We came to find Mr. Leary." He told her.

"Good luck." She snorted at that. "He's been running around claiming people are out to get him. That C-Sec is out to get him since you left yesterday."

"Do you know where he is?" Pallin spoke up.

At the uncertainty of her look, Garrus introduced them.

"Mrs. Spaller this is Executor Pallin, Head of C-Sec and Officer Timmons."

"Executor this is an honor." Her courtesy completely floored Pallin; his sub harmonics were startled. "Officer."

"No, I don't know where Jackson the jackass is." She went on. "Only his inner circle do and they've all drunk his kool aid."

Garrus and Pallin both look at her puzzled by that idiom.

"Means they're buying his fake story of persecution." She explained.

"If he doesn't reign his people in soon, it won't be a story." Pallin growled. "This nakedness situation seems to have begun affecting other races. It's spread to, of all things, a number of Krogan and now I've got them, what is it you human's say, streaking the concourse and, even worse, doing cannon balls in to the lake."

Startled, Mrs. Spaller snorted at that.

"Oh dear." She tried to moderate her laughter but her snorts quickly turned into giggles.

"I'm, I'm sorry sir…but…" She quickly turned around to get control of herself without having to see Pallin's now exceptionally sour look.

Some expressions transcended species, Hanar not withstanding, and being disgusted was one of the main ones.


	14. Chapter 14 - Ramifications

_Mwahahahahahahahahahaha. Greetings all, still enjoying driving C-Sec and Executor Pallin crazy. The more I work on this story the more I come up with ways to do it. I know, I'm ebul. LOL Anyway, thank you to all who are still reading this. I hope you're finding it enjoyable. More, I hope it makes you laugh. He who laughs, lasts. As always thank you for your many kindnesses. You have a great day. Cheers, Fran._

* * *

Ramifications

 **Garrus**

 _Teskal chuckled evilly. "I wonder what would happen if I mention Krogans and..this..cannon ball thing to Pallin."_

 _"Spirits, I wouldn't unless you really want an artificial fringe." Garrus knew that Teskal was fearless when it came to locking spurs with C-Sec's upper echelon. Probably why he and Teskal got along, and Teskal and his dad only tolerated each other. Only Neest's impressive arrest and conviction rate kept him from being fired; but it also kept him from many promotions. Oddly enough, the lack of promotions didn't bother the man. He seemed to live for annoying the fringes off of C-Sec's brass, particularly Pallin._

Balked of finding Leary, they asked Mrs. Spaller what she'd done for the kids, she gave them a quick overview of what she'd instituted. Garrus, Timmons, and yes-even Pallin were impressed. She might look a bit scattered but she seemed to have her head on straight when it came to the important stuff.

She called Murphy back and introduced him to the three C-Sec. Apparently he was the relative of one of the attendees and knew Spaller and her husband. He was, as Garrus had suspected, ex-military. Alliance to be exact and he understood the very real danger that slavers posed, particularly for the kids. Mrs. Spaller apologized again for Leary and went back to the kids.

Pallin didn't dislike humans but he was wary of them; so Garrus was surprised when, not only did he thank Mrs. Spaller for what she was doing but after a few minutes of talking, he transferred some files of the worst, known, slavers to Murphy's omni-tool.

"Thank you Executor." Murphy was doing a quick scan through the files. "I'll keep these files locked down so they're not readily accessible."

"Keeping the children safe is the most important thing." Pallin told him, then paused. "You do know that it may not be one of these people specifically that shows up here. In fact it's likely to be one of their secondary people."

"I know." The answer was short and said that Murphy had, at sometime, contended with slavers and their, often, large crews. Particularly insidious were the ones that looked and acted innocuous. Garrus had seen Asari, Salarians, and even Volus in that role.

Pallin glanced around one more time. Catching several people watching him, them, he turned to Timmons and Garrus.

"I think we're done here." He said quietly, though his undertones were far from happy. His undertones also said that he realized that Leary would stay hidden until C-Sec left.

With a final goodbye to Murphy the three of them went back to their air car. It might have been Garrus's imagination but he thought the thing looked even more ramshackle than before.

" _313 could shake itself apart just being parked." Teskal muttered and Garrus had to agree with him._

Pallin, somehow, got the thing back into the air and they headed for the photo shoot. When they got there, he circled the site.

Everybody was gone and most everything had been taken care of because the Keepers had arrived and were busy doing what they did best. Cleaning up, clearing up, and returning the Citadel to it's pristine self. Garrus had to wonder what they thought of the Krogan's cannon ball. He was just glad that the Keepers, as far as anyone knew, didn't get lethal, though you could get seriously hurt if you got in their way.

"I hope they got everything out of there." Amy observed as Pallin merged back into traffic and headed for C-Sec headquarters.

"I hope so too." Garrus agreed. "Keepers only know what doesn't belong not what is temporary."

"Anyway to reprogram them?" She asked the question that young officers had been asking for decades.

"You interfere with a Keeper and it shuts down." Pallin spoke up, resigned. "So that would be a no."

Pallin actually managed to get back to headquarters without the air car dying while it was still in the air, a common occurrence; and his landing in the garage area was only a bit bumpy.

" _A bit? 313 never lands without bouncing three or four times."_

" _We only bounced twice." Garrus answered him._

 _"Oh. How high?" Caught out, the younger man didn't answer him. Teskal just chuckled._

After they landed, Garrus managed to untangle his tongue from his teeth as he stepped out of the air car. At least he hadn't bitten his tongue. He had no idea what had happened to Timmons on that last bounce, she was making some of the strangest faces.

Pallin got an important call just as they headed for the elevator. He stopped in the lobby area between the elevators and took the call. It sounded like one of the Councilors – Valern if he was to guess.

Pallin waved the two of them into the car and signaled for them to go ahead while he dealt with the Salarian Councilor.

The door closed and Timmons suddenly stuck her tongue out, trying to look down her nose at it.

"Timmons?"

"Bit my damn tongue." She muttered around said appendage.

"Ouch."

"Yeah, ouch." She gave her tongue one more glance then returned it to it's normal position.

"The Executor usually drive that badly?"

Garrus snorted at that. "Badly, that's damn good for 313. Most times it bounces high enough to half land on the wall in front of it. Pallin actually got it to land flat."

"Why doesn't anybody pull it off the rotation?"

"Everytime we do, somebody puts it back." Garrus told her. "We suspect someone is trying to impress the upper echelon with their cost efficiency."

"Just being cheap." She went on and got a mandible click of agreement.

The elevator began to slow and after a moment stopped at the lobby floor.

They stepped out and into some sort of alternate reality.

His first impression was that the lobby of C-Sec seemed to have become a sea of undulating iridescent pink. He looked closer – it wasn't actually all pink, rather it was the pink of 3 very large Hanar. And what in Spirits name were they doing – was that dancing? They were sailing around the lobby, to the frustration of the gathered C-Sec, like that Portta Man-of-War that Johnson had mentioned.

He knew he hadn't had anything to drink but had that old air car been venting engine fumes into the cab.

"What the hell?" That was Timmons, staring. "Do Hanar dance?"

"Thank the Spirits. I thought I was hallucinating."

"No, I see them too. And are those Asari dancing? among their tentacles – or are those legs?"

"Both maybe?" Now that she mentioned it, he spotted a couple of Asari moving in and out of the Hanar's legs, in some sort of pattern, along with a couple of humans – and all of them, he sighed, naked. What else was new.

"The Executor isn't going to like this." Timmons commented. "Anyway to head him off at the pass."

Garrus didn't recognize the idiom but he could guess what it meant. Behind him he could hear the faint sounds of the elevator starting its assent.

"Unless you've got a cloak big enough to cover all of them – then no." Garrus said and she sighed.

"Do you think it would do any good for us to hide?" Timmons was resigned.

Garrus answer with a negative sub harmonic then realized that she couldn't hear him.

"No."

 _"I almost feel sorry for Pallin." Teskal chuckled and Garrus just glared at him. Knowing that the older man really didn't feel sorry for the Executor at all._

 _"I said almost."_

He heard the sounds of the elevator coming to a stop on this floor and shortly the door opened and Pallin strode out; only to come to a dead stop, and take in the insanity that had overcome his lobby.

Three large Hanar were waltzing around with humans and Asari moving in and out of their legs in some sort of pattern. All, though who could tell with a Hanar, completely naked. There was weird music playing – it did but didn't sound like the guitar he'd been introduced to at one time. The C-Sec officers assigned to each individual were trying desperately to corral the ' _dancers_ ' but were being ignored. Everytime someone got close enough to try to grab one of the humans or the Asari the Hanar would just casually flip out a tentacle and send the individual sailing. No one was being hurt; but they were getting the breath knocked out of them.

Pallin just stood there, his mandibles clicking frantically in disbelief.


	15. Chapter 15 - Tether's End

_Hello Good Readers, I hope the weekend finds you well. Shorter chapter and no major insanity for C-Sec. Just wait, I'll get them yet. Mwahahahahahahahahaha. I know - I'm a bad girl. As always thank you for your kindnesses. Your enjoyment of and interest in this story are just icing on the cake. Wishing you all a very good weekend. Cheers._

* * *

Tether's End

 **Garrus**

At the unexpected appearance of Pallin in the lobby. ( _The Executors daily outfit wasn't flashy but it was designed to command attention.)_ The Situation ( _Garrus wasn't quite sure what else to call it_ ) began to slowly stop. People and Hanar coming to a halt where ever they were.

Pallin's mandibles clicked irritatedly a few more times then they pulled tight to his face.

"What in Spirit's name is going on?" His voice carried throughout the lobby despite him not really raising it. Garrus began to believe some of the rumors about Pallin having been destined to be a Ground Sergeant at Basic, what the humans called a Drill Sergeant.

There was a whole lot of everybody glancing at everybody else to see if they were going to speak up. The C-Sec officers looked embarrassed. The humans all began clustering behind various of the Hanar legs/tentacles. Garrus suddenly realized that they were trying to hide, as much as they could. The Asari, ( _well, Garrus recognized them as dancers from Chora's Den)._

" _Oh those girls." Teskal exclaimed. "Anything goes with them."_

 _"Met them while you were undercover, did you?" Teskal was still the officer most often sent undercover into the seedy bars and dance clubs of the Citadel, because he just seemed to blend in effortlessly._

 _Teskal pretended he hadn't heard Garrus._

"I'm waiting." Pallin stared at the ranking C-Sec officer – a Turian named Jafeck.

"Ah, they were having a.." He trailed off unsure of how to go on, "….demonstration, sir."

"I…See." Pallin's mandibles twitched at that. He wasn't yelling, which was actually scarier than him yelling; but his anger was palpable. His sub harmonics were deep and growly.

Beside Garrus, Timmons shivered a bit and he figured she could sense if not hear Pallin's undertones.

"I assume the demonstration is now over." It was more a statement than a question.

Garrus was amused to see the humans actually nodding in agreement. The Hanar were cycling through several flashing colors, but he had no idea what they meant; but since they had stopped waltzing around the lobby, he assumed that they were in agreement. Or, at least, he hoped they were.

The Asari – well they were being Asari.

" _They would." Teskal smirked._

"Officers, see to your charges." Pallin turned and went back into the elevator. The door slowly closed and after it had risen a couple of floors, Garrus heard a mass exhalation of breath; and even a odd fluttering sound from the Hanar.

" _And that's the other reason Pallin was made Executor." Teskal spoke up, his tone suddenly serious. "His ability to command."_

Glad to leave the group in the lobby to other officers, Garrus and Timmons headed for the room that Pallin had told them to meet up with Chellick and Johnson.

When they got there, the other two were already present. Chellick now in dry armor and under suit, and Johnson who had showered and switched over to his armor.

"There you two are." Johnson exclaimed as they came in the door.

"How did it go?" Chellick had known they were going to the convention center.

"We couldn't find Leary." Garrus collapsed into a chair. "He was hiding and we didn't have a warrant to dig him out."

"I'm going to get in my armor." Amy stopped in the doorway. "Got a feeling I'm going to need it."

The others acknowledged her as she left.

"Pallin gone to authorize a warrant?" Chellick went back to their previous conversation.

"I hear whoever the patron behind this convention is, they've blocked him from taking any formal action." David spoke up, dislodging some flecks of mud from the outside of his weapon.

"That's not good." Garrus spoke up. "This…nakedness thing seems to be spreading like a virus." He paused to look at Johnson. "You sure this isn't contagious?"

"Not to my knowledge." Johnson shrugged. "Unless there are drugs that can make something contagious?"

The three looked at each other. Garrus knew that there were a lot of drugs out there that did things that a decade or so ago, were unimaginable; but he'd yet to hear about one that made something contagious – particularly across species.

"Not that I've heard of." Chellick replied, his nose in his omni-tool as he was calling up the extranet.

"I've heard nothing and you'd think that that would have made the news, if for nothing else then what the bad guys could possibly put it to misuse for." Johnson remarked.

They all flinched at that. The idea that slavers could make slavery into some kind of contagious disease, as if it wasn't, in a sense, one already, was frightening.

"Yeah, let's hope that's one drug nobody ever comes up with." Garrus commented.

"Are we done for the day." Johnson was spinning around in his chair, using his feet to propel himself, obviously very bored.

"I wish I thought we were." Garrus sighed. "But, I don't think the shoot was over when it was…interrupted."

"Spirits, they're not going to need us again are they?" Chellick groaned.

"They might."

"I can't put on my dress uniform." David grumbled. "It's at the cleaners and they don't even know if they can get all the mud out; and I'm not buying or renting a new one."

"Then you better hope that Garr is willing to settle for C-Sec armor." Garrus told him. Johnson scowled at that but said nothing.

Personally, Garrus hoped they were free but he just wasn't going to say it out loud. He was beginning to believe in that human thought that said if you say it out loud then whatever you don't want to happen – will.

They'd been quietly, nobody had much to say, sitting there for about a half hour when Timmons came back. She was dressed in her armor now, like the others, an assault rifle attached to her back.

She plopped down in the chair next to Johnson.

"Do we have any orders?"

"No." Chellick spoke up. "Other to stay here until Pallin assigns us or releases us."

She looked around the room and grumbled. "The least they could have done is put a beverage set up in this room."

Garrus had to agree with her on that; but well aware that Pallin and his superiors weren't going to waste money on simple officers. Now his dad they might of done something for; but he wasn't, none of them were Castis Vakarian. He was beginning to be fairly sure he didn't want to be. A good C-Sec officer, even a detective – yes, an officer/detective like his father – not so much.

If that made him a bad Turian son, then it would have to be. He wouldn't be saying it out loud to his father though; he got enough of his father's lectures without going looking for one.


	16. Chapter 16 - What More

Greetings All. I hope your weekend goes well. For those who celebrate it - Happy Labor Day. For those who don't - Happy Day anyway. I know this is a much tamer chapter than you were expecting, or probably hoping for, but gotta build up the suspense. (Runs for cover.) I seem to be leaning towards a Hippie type vibe, which is working. However a Turian sporting flowers is more than I can picture. Here's hoping you're still enjoying this. Thank you for the favs, follows, and the comments. Feel free to comment about this - comments keep me going and keep me on track. Wishing us all a very good day. Cheers.

* * *

What More

 **Garrus**

Garrus was idly wondering where the rest of the C-Sec models had gone to when his father strode into the conference room.

Spirits, he cursed inwardly, he'd hoped to avoid coming into contact and, no doubt, conflict, with his father during this case, such as it was.

Without being ordered, Chellick, Timmons, and Johnson came to their feet; and, of course, Garrus. This was, after all, Castis Vakarian, one of C-Sec's best.

Castis didn't look or sound particularly upset as he gave a mandible click of acknowledgement to the others.

"Officers, I'm going to take you to the site of the rest of the modeling shoot."

"They aren't done yet?" Johnson asked plaintively.

"No, apparently the unexpected flood kept them from getting the last two shots." Castis answered as if the question had not been rhetorical. Garrus had never figured out if he was unaware of the nature of the question or just not acknowledging it.

"Oh joy." Timmons muttered more to herself than anyone else.

"Are the others going to be with us also?" Chellick spoke up, diverting Castis's attention from the human.

Garrus knew his father was still getting used to humans as fellow C-Sec and not enemy combatants. A lot of the older C-Sec were having to make that adjustment. Some managed it better than others. His father was on the more positive end of that scale. Not by much but he was trying to be somewhat more accepting of what he considered to be a very young, very ' _pushy_ ' race. Considering that some of the Vakarian's older relatives had fought in and lost their lives in the Relay 314 incident, Garrus could understand his father's caution. But Garrus had begun to think that the humans got more acceptance, such as it was, than he did from his father.

"Yes, Hass, Polten, T'Harna, and Felisan will meet us there." Castis replied signaling all of them to start moving.

"And where exactly is ' _there_ '?" Garrus asked as he fell in line with the others.

"The Presidium gardens." Castis told them as if that was understood.

From somewhere in the middle of the group, he thought it was Johnson, a voice muttered.

"Please let it not be wet." Everyone agreed whole heartedly with him on that.

They got onto the nearest elevator but then had to get off at the lobby and shift to a different one. At least, now, the lobby wasn't a sea of undulating iridescent pink and naked blue and tan.

He didn't envy Sergeant Ionos, her intake level was going to be, if it wasn't already, swamped with naked – everything. Humans, Asari, Hanar ( _though he thought they were always naked_ ) and Krogan. At least no naked Volus – that would have been – very messy.

He hoped the Batarians would avoid this human madness and was eternally grateful that there were no large pockets of Vorcha on the station. C-Sec knew there were some Blood Pack on the lower levels of the Wards and where there was Blood Pack there were usually Vorcha; and no one wanted to see a naked Vorcha – probably not even other Vorcha.

Everyone got on the elevator that took them to the garage area. Of course, there was a larger squad all fueled and waiting for them. Garrus had begun to think that his father never had any of the average officer's troubles with C-Sec vehicles.

 _Teskal snorted at that. "Remind me to tell you tales of Castis and the haunted patrol car from when we worked together." Garrus knew the two had worked a case together, from when he was still in Basic. They'd solved the case and done it well; but decided that their working styles didn't really fit. Basically, Teskal had once told him they got along like two Alpha Varren, which was to say, not at all._

 _"What's haunted?"_

 _Now Teskal laughed out loud. "Human term means something that harbors the spirit of the departed."_

 _"The Spirits don't linger in inanimate objects." Garrus protested._

 _"So, I thought; but sometimes things happened to and around that car that couldn't be explained except if it was haunted." Teskal admitted._

 _"My father never said anything about any patrol car."_

 _"Maybe because most of what happened, happened to him." Teskal chuckled. "And he never would admit that there was something odd about that car."_

 _"That I would believe." Castis strictly operated in the black and white world of cause and effect._

The journey up to the Presidium Gardens was easy and fast. No traffic problems, no naked anythings. He was particularly happy about the later. He was, in fact he was sure that all of C-Sec was very tired of naked beings wandering around or running or ' _cannon balling'_ into the lake. He didn't care what Timmons said – he was beginning to think that this human ' _craze'_ was contagious.

Then again the dancers from Chora's Den were always up for any kind of amusement – the less clothes the better. The only reason they weren't or hadn't been running around naked before was because the idea hadn't occurred to them. Thank you Humans, he thought sourly. As for the Krogan – if it irritated C-Sec – they'd not only do it, they'd overdo it.

They reached the Presidium level. It was quiet other than diplomats, their staffs, and those with business here walking around enjoying the scenery or making their way to or from a meeting.

Garrus tensed and he was sure the others did also as Castis aimed for what looked like an area near the lake. But he went past it to settle down in the area that had become a new part of the Presidium. It was something the Humans had suggested.

It was an area where landscapes from various planets were reproduced. It featured mostly rocks and minerals from each world, and a few plants..

He couldn't quite understand the appeal of the area.

" _Don't the humans call that a rock garden?" Teskal spoke up._

 _"I think that's the term they use."_

"I don't know what's so spectacular about rocks." Came Chellick's grumble.

Garrus had to agree privately at that. Who wanted to look at rocks and small plants.

Castis set the squad van down in an open grassy area. Near the far end at the opening to the exhibit? feature? was a small tent with people, mostly human, coming and going.

They all got out, Garrus being the last; but he stopped when he realized that his father was not getting out.

"You're not coming, sir?" At work, Garrus usually called him sir.

"No, the Executor knew I was headed this way and suggested I take you all to the shooting site." Castis began to engage the engines. A clear sign to Garrus that this conversation was over.

Having nothing more to say, Garrus turned and left, shutting the door behind him.

With that the squad van lifted into the air and headed off. Garrus didn't stay to see where. Sometimes Castis talked to him about his cases; but mostly he didn't, and Garrus had learned not to ask.

" _Armor headed idiot." Teskal commented sourly, "you've got the same instincts he has, maybe even better." He'd been championing Garrus for years against his father. Considering the older Vakarian 'mentally constipated' as he so indelicately put it_

It was an old ache that Garrus had learned to ignore

They made their way down to the tent and Garrus was pleased to see Ness, though she had one wrist wrapped in a bandage.

Narren Garr was there also, leaning on a cane but upright if a little battered looking. He also saw Gloria Velten, looking rather rumpled, her braids half undone and straggling down her back. Her pyjak fur coat was decidedly bedraggled. Robert and Jordan were absent.

"Looks like the other tent wasn't shielded." Jaanz commented.

"There were only two of us, Jaanz." Felisan spoke up. "And we were occupied with protecting the make up tent."

Looking up and spotting them, Garr smiled and made his way over to the C-Sec people.

"I'm glad you could make it. We only have a few shots with the dresses that Officers Vakarian and Timmons heroically managed to save for us." Garrus, again, wished his father could hear this.

"You also should thank Officers T'Harna and Felisan, sir. They put up the barrier that protected us all." Garrus knew without the Asari they'd have all been as wet and battered as the others; and the dresses would have been ruined.

"Where do you want us sir." That was T'Harna being the senior officer; but the look she shot Garrus was appreciative.

"All of these are marvelous." Garr said enthusiastically, gesturing around to the various walkways that led down and sometimes up into the environments. "We thought we'd use the Palaven and the Earth environments."

" _What is the big deal with rocks?" Teskal echoed Chellick, while opening another bag of dried meat strips._

" _It wasn't the rocks themselves so much as what had been done with them."_

He and the others divided themselves into groups at Garr's direction and headed for the proper areas where he could see lights and other photographic equipment. The Palaven 'experience' was located on an upper walkway. At first he was unimpressed then he seemed to step around a corner and into a piece of Palaven that had been relocated to the Citadel. Tall ore streaked spires of rocks, wind and sand carved into fantastical shapes. Metallic layers overlapped colored layers – everything from blood blue to human blood red.

Small, odd dust clouds that coalesced, lingered in one place for awhile and then vanished suddenly. The winds were singing and sighing through the rocks now and again in what seemed to be strange songs. They called them the Spirit Canyons and it had been years since he been to the outer deserts and walked among them. His mother had taken both he and Solana there to, as she said, be surrounded by the soul of Palaven.

 _"It's been years since I walked the Spirit canyons of the outer deserts." He went on. "I know the sounds and effects were electronically reproduced; but still it made me want to go home."_

 _"I'll have to check this out." Teskal said quietly. Only in front of this man would Garrus admit that he had been, as the humans say, home sick._

"Spirits!" Even Chellick was startled, looking around in awe.

On a convenient and relative wide ledge, the human model was posing. Why the human model was here and not in the Earth environment he had no idea; but he'd given up on trying to understand some things.

" _It's Art."_

 _"It's something."_

Chellick and Johnson were called up by the photographer so Garrus and Timmons settled back to wait where somebody had thoughtfully placed a convenient outcropping of rocks that you could sit on.

"I hear the Human section is quite beautiful." Timmons spoke up after awhile.

"Oh?" After seeing the Palaven section, he realized that he was going to have to take the time to see the whole installment. "In what way?"

" _Sounds like you kind of get to see the reality of the world that spawned each race." Teskal spoke up_.

"It's based on some caves they have on Earth." She explained. "With these giant quartz crystals that would dwarf you. Also they've done part of the cavern up to feature gems from Earth that you can find in these caverns." Garrus had to admit that it sounded pretty spectacular. Crystals that were larger than he was.

While they were sitting there they began to hear some rhythmic droning, whining, and stomping.

Timmons came to her feet, looking around. Her hand near her pistol.

"What in Spirits name is that?" Garrus, able to hear better than she could, pinned down the direction of the sound and looked off to another path that slowly turned down from another environment slightly above them.

Moving down the path, in a rather odd in and out formation were several very large and several rather small figures. The light from the photo shoot was in his eyes so it took him a bit to make out what he was looking at. It was a mixed group of Elcor and…Volus.

" _Volus!" Teskal damn near spit his drink out again. "That's a disaster waiting to happen."_

The droning attracted the attention of all the others at the photo shoot and they stopped what they were doing and turned to watch this very odd parade.

Not missing a beat or stepping on a Volus, which was impressive, the group continued down the path towards them.

"Peacefully, we are as Nature intended us." Droned the Elcor

" _Wheeze_ – we are as Nature intended us." The Volus answered back, cavorting around the legs of the slowly moving Elcor.

Garrus rubbed a talon across his forehead to try and ease the headache that had just started up. He was going to have a very long talk with Timmons about just how ' _contagious_ ' this human thing was. It seemed like other races just had to be exposed to it and they were instantly caught up in the insanity.

But for now they'd have to talk to the Elcor and the Volus about marching in an exhibit area. And because these things never went smoothly – probably without the right permits. So much for getting off early.


	17. Chapter 17 - Curioser

_Hi Guys. Yes, still alive though being way slower than I want to be. Good friend is in hospital and I've been helping her husband with things. Keep fingers and toes crossed. Sorry this is a rather tame chapter but planning much wilder ones ahead. Many thanks to those who given me ideas for things to torment C-Sec with. Mwahahahahahahahahaha. I'm ebul, I am. Thanks for all the favs, the follows, and the comments. You rock. Wishing you a great day. Cheers._

* * *

Curiouser and Curiouser

 **Garrus**

After waiting to see if any of the other Officers showed up, Garrus's mandibles clicked in resignation.

"Come on Timmons. Looks like we've been designated to deal with this."

"But no one said anything?" She was puzzled.

"Like I said – we've been designated." Garrus realized that she hadn't really dealt a lot with the – _we're pretending to be deaf so you get stuck with it_ behavior of a few officers. Usually from senior non-Turian ones, but not always.

He walked over to where the parade? of Elcor and Volus had kind of come to a halt in front of the Palaven exhibit. He got the impression that they had wanted to come into the exhibit but that the presence of the photo crew had inhibited them. Thank the Spirits for Elcor politeness. The whole group seemed to eddy and shift to face him as he and Timmons walked up. Not hostile but decidedly uncertain.

"Who is in charge here?" He kept it polite; it didn't pay to get into a physical altercation with someone who outweighed you by several hundred pounds. Krogan needed little to no excuse to take on C-Sec; while Elcor tended to be more difficult to rile up.

Difference being that once Elcor got riled they tended to stay that way for a long time. Ending up in the hospital after being run over by an enraged Elcor was not something he wanted to add to his record or experience.

"Uncertainly. That would be this one Officer." One of the older looking Elcor stepped forward, still carefully avoiding the Volus gathered at his feet.

"With gathering distress. Have we done something wrong?"

"Do you have a permit for this…" Garrus was stumped for a second as to what to call this…gathering. "…procession."

"Surprised. We did not know one was required."

"Unfortunately, any kind of large gathering that isn't put on by the Citadel personnel or the Councilors needs a permit, sir."

"Embarrassed. We are very sorry for our lack of knowledge."

"That's all right, sir. Just don't do it in the future." Garrus made a snap decision to not charge any of the participants with anything. They hadn't destroyed anything, they were being polite to C-Sec, and wonder of wonders no one was naked. He also figured that an influx of Elcor would probably overstrain the already overstrained C-Sec booking officers. "Also, this area, like the other Citadel exhibit areas, is probably off limits to processions, gatherings, and parades." He hadn't seen any new ordinances about this area but that didn't mean there weren't any.

"Shamefully. We are most embarrassed officers."

Garrus and Timmons started leading the ' _procession_ ' out towards the central court area of the exhibit. They went dutifully, though some of the Volus seemed to want to continue to ' _dance_?' between the Elcor's large feet.

" _Have a death wish did they?"_

 _"The Elcor were being very careful around them. Thank the Spirits." Garrus told him. "I would not have been up to handling the accidental death of a Volus by being stepped on by Elcor."_

 _Teskal shuddered. "Talk about a paperwork nightmare."_

 _It was Garrus's turn to shudder. Like most C-Sec officers he despised paperwork. And they wouldn't go into how much of a physical mess it would turn into, explosive depressurization was never neat._

"Why did you decide to hold such a…a…a procession?" Timmons asked the lead Elcor.

"Informatively. One of the Volus, Voky Nun heard a human speaking at the convention center. Excitedly. What he had to say, sounded most reasonable."

Garrus had a suspicion. "His name wouldn't be Leary would it?"

"Surprised. You know of him?"

"Slightly." Garrus decided not to fill him in on everything. The last thing they needed was for the group to decide to go back to the convention center and get re energized about demonstrating.

"Ah, one of their practices seems to be going without clothes. Why didn't you?" Timmons asked hesitantly. Garrus hoped she wasn't giving anyone any ideas.

"Considerately. It would not be fair since the Volus couldn't go without clothing." The Elcor replied calmly.

"True." Garrus told him. "And going naked on the Citadel is also illegal except in the convention venue itself. No matter what anyone might say." He decided to let them know that now so there wouldn't be any confusion later.

"Considering. That sounds reasonable." The head Elcor told them.

That everyone else was so reasonable, Garrus thought bitterly, as they got down to the front of the section.

Alerted by the heavy footsteps of the Elcor, T'Harna and the others had come out of the Earth display.

"Vakarian, what is this?" She was eyeing the rather large procession of Elcor and Volus as they made their way past Garrus and Timmons. Some of the Volus still dancing.

"They were having an ANIS parade through the exhibit." Garrus told her, and before she could ask. "Without permits."

He could about hear what T'Harna was thinking as she stared at him.

"They didn't know they needed such things and have graciously decided to abandon the procession in favor of following the laws. I gave them a warning and am escorting them out of the exhibit." He was pushing it, a little bit, but he didn't really want to have to escort a group of Elcor and dancing Volus back to C-Sec and book them.

 _Teskal snickered at the dancing Volus comment_.

 _"More like bouncing Volus." Came the chuckle, and Garrus had to agree with that._

T-Harna gave him one more measuring stare and then clicked her tongue. Some of the older Asari officers had picked up that habit from working with Turians long term.

"Sounds reasonable; but in the future Vakarian." She leveled a stern look at him. "You talk to a senior officer before you make that kind of decision."

"Yes ma'am." It was reasonable and by talking he hid his relieved sub harmonics about not heading back to C-Sec – again. He just hoped his father wouldn't hear about this. If he did, Garrus could expect an hour's lecture, at least, on following proper procedures and the chain of command; and Castis's severely disappointed in his son look. He'd take the lecture over that look any day.

" _Constipated pyjak." Teskal growled. "Sometimes you have to use your own judgment; and yours is excellent."_

 _Even drunk, Garrus was embarrassed by the praise. He wasn't used to hearing it much from his father when it came to his actions unless he was one hundred percent by the book._

As the group of Elcor and Volus slowly made their way out of the exhibit, Narren Garr happened to come out to the front of the Earth exhibit.

"What's that about, officer?" He asked T'Harna.

"An unlawful parade, sir." The Asari replied formally.

"Really?" Garr was watching the group disperse. "I wonder if…"

Whatever he was going to say; and Garrus was afraid he was going to want to include some Elcor or Volus, or both, in the photo shoot was interrupted by raised voices from inside the Earth exhibit.

First time he'd ever been happy to have a disturbance start up.


	18. Chapter 18 - The Next Step

_Greetings All. Happy Turkey if you celebrate. I'm actually still around just dealing with a friend's illness and helping her poor distracted husband out. Anyway, managed to get this chapter done. It's kind of quiet for this particular story but without the quiet you don't notice the insanity. Yes, I still intend to drive all of C-Sec to drink. Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha. I do love typing that. As always thank you for putting up with my long delays and possibly rambling story segments. You people make it all worthwhile. Please let me know if I've made any mistakes. Cheers._

* * *

The Next Step

 **Garrus**

 _"What now? Naked Batarians?" Teskal teased._

 _"No, actually just a dispute between two of the photographer's assistants over where to put a reflector." Garrus told him, suppressing a shudder at the idea of seeing a naked Batarian. Naked humans and naked Krogans were bad enough._

 _"What? No naked humans, cannon balling Krogans, or bobbing Volus?" Teskal teased him._

 _"No." Garrus grumbled. Sometimes Teskal carried his teasing just a bit too far._

Actually, the rest of the shoot went off surprisingly quietly. Within two hours they'd gotten whatever shots Garr felt he needed and they shut down and cleared away. Though he didn't have to, Garrus politely helped everyone put things away and get them on the transports. In his head he could hear both Pallin and his father going on about furthering cooperation between the races.

While in part he was thinking of that, part was that a lot of Garr's people, the ones still standing, were battered and beginning to hurt seriously from earlier. It seemed only right to help out. The other officers followed his lead and in a very short time, humans seemed to take forever to do things, everything was packed away in the transports.

Fortunately, still sore from being half drowned, Garr kept his thanks to a minimum. T'Harna politely accepted his gratitude and then C-Sec got out of there as fast as they could without looking like they were running away. Which they, in truth, were but didn't want anyone to know, it might get back to Pallin; and then they'd hear about it..for hours.

Garrus and Chellick had taken one car with Timmons and Johnson. T'Harna and her partner and the Salarians took the second air car.

"I could use a drink or two about now." Johnson sighed tiredly as he slumped in the back seat.

"I'm up for that." Timmons exclaimed. Chellick and Garrus agreed whole-heartedly but they all knew they had to report back to the conference room as per Pallin's orders.

Headquarters looked relatively quiet when they pulled into the parking garage. Or as quiet as it ever would or could look.

The group slowly made their way down to the conference room. They had to go through the C-Sec lobby, and to anyone watching they must have looked peculiar. When the elevator hit the lobby, T'Harna cautiously peered out to see what might be going on.

The lobby was busy but it seemed to be the normal kind of busy. They didn't notice any naked beings of any species – at first. Then they spotted a single naked, survival blanket wrapped, human male – sulking in a far corner. His arresting officers – an Asari and a Turian were filling out paperwork and studiously ignoring their captive.

Very slowly and unobtrusively they began to make their way across the lobby to another bank of elevators that would take them down to the conference room. Everyone was trying to appear casual but intent upon going somewhere. Like they had orders. No one wanted to look anyone in the eyes – that was a good way to get pulled aside for some sort of duty.

Garrus and Chellick had it easiest – they just looked straight ahead. While not the tallest of the C-Sec Turians – they were tall enough to avoid locking eyes with any of the officers present. Timmons and Johnson kept their eyes on the floor, following on Chellick and Garrus's heels closely enough so that they didn't wander off.

The two Asari pretended to be engaged in a spirited conversation and the Salarians were going over a data-pad. If you didn't know any better, they all looked like they were involved in important C-Sec business.

" _Important. I'm sure." Teskal muttered._

Just as they got into the larger elevator and hit the down button, someone yelled T'Harna's name.

She ignored whoever it was and hit the door close button again.

"T'Harna?" That was Timmons, who hadn't quite learned to not acknowledge things or volunteer.

"If they really need me they can track me down to the conference room." The Asari grumbled as the elevator took its infuriatingly slow time to close. The Asari were damn near dancing in frustration at its tardiness. The Salarians were still totally engrossed in their data pad.

" _Salarian porn?"_

" _If it was, I didn't look too close. Some things you just don't want to see." Garrus replied and took a sip of his drink. It didn't seem as harsh as it had been the beginning of the evening. He wondered if that was because he was, no doubt, well and truly drunk or because the bar tender was thinning the drinks out. Though he was fairly sure the man wouldn't do it on his own, he didn't know how well Teskal was acquainted with him and if they had a series of non-verbal signs between them._

The doors of the elevator finally closed and T'Harna slumped back against the wall in relief.

"A million credits to whoever can figure out how to speed these things up." She looked at the others. There were nods and clicks of agreement. The slowness of the elevators being a running complaint with just about everyone – except the slow moving Elcor – who actually thought the elevators were a bit too swift in nature.

When the elevator stopped on the right floor, T'Harna again peered out cautiously. Seeing that the corridor was empty, they vacated the elevator in mass and headed for the conference room.

To their pleasure, and relief, the room was empty. The food service was gone, of course, but there was actually still a hot beverage set up. Everyone got the drink of their choice and collapsed into a chair at the table.

For several long minutes the only sounds in the room were the faint creaking of the chairs and the sounds of someone, or several someones, blowing on their drinks to cool them off.

That was one thing Garrus had to admit that the human's flexible mouths were good for.

 _"They're good for so much more than that." Teskal smirked._

 _Garrus wondered what he was talking about but decided he wasn't going to play the older man's game by asking him what he meant._

Most everyone had halfway finished their drinks when Pallin stalked in the door. Garrus was secretly glad that his father wasn't with the Executor.

They all came to their feet when the older man entered.

"Relax." Pallin told them and they settled back down.

"Are you done?" He immediately asked T'Harna.

"Unless Designer Garr has more pictures in mind – we're done Executor." She told Pallin.

"Any more problems?" Though he didn't say it out loud, they all knew he was thinking of the Krogans and their impromptu diving exhibit.

"No sir." That was Jannz, one of the Salarians.

"Thank the Spirits." It was barely above a whisper but they all heard it very clearly.

"All right, you're off shift. Go get some rest. Tomorrow we have to provide security for a parade."

"A parade of what or who sir?" That was Timmons who asked what they all were thinking.

"A parade of ANIU members, led by none other than Mr. Leary." Pallin said coldly.

As one they all groaned at that.


End file.
